hello! haha ang dami ko ng blog. kamusta naman. may blog din ako sa multiply ko.
May multiply na nga pala ko! Actually matagal na pero ngayon ko lang nalagyan ng pictures. ehehe hindi naman sa akin yung digicam, kay mama. kaya asa namang mapupuno ko yun. pero seryoso, dahil isa akong frustrated photographer, mag-iipon talaga ako hanggang magkaroon ako ng sarili kong digicam. haha wish ko lang makaipon ako!!!
ngayon ay ika-24 ng Disyembre, taong 2007. Bisperas na ng Pasko.
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko feel ang Christmas. I mean, yung katulad dati na may handa and all that. Mas nasa isip ko ngayon yung kalagayan namin. Anyway, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! ^______^
So, ano ba ang ma-rerelate ko sa aking blog?
Itong araw na ito ay parang isang ice-breaker sa array ng days ngayon. Wala lang. For the first time kasi, may nakausap akong matinong tao. Si Luis yon. Although hindi naman kami nag-usap ng matagal. Paano kasi, gabi na sa kanila. Sosyal yan si Luis eh! Grabe! Sem break na nila ngayon, HANGGANG JANUARY 28! Putanginangyan. La lng. haha
anyway... syempre... nag-send nanaman ako ng short story sa kanya... Ang gaan ng feeling. Sobra. Lately kasi wala akong nakakausap na nasasabihan ng, at nakikinig sa, mga problema ko... Ay, hindi naman actually problema. Yung mga problema ko. Yung mga iniisip ko. Hindi naman kasi ako makapag-telebabad kay Jorge. Ewan ko. Naalala ko yung unang beses na tinawagan ko sya (a long long time ago) wala pa yatang isang minuto nung nag-usap kami. Hello lang ata nasabi ko. haha tas sabi niya, "sige, pinapatulog na kasi ako..." haha kamusta naman kasi 11pm na pala noon. At bakit nga ba 11 ako tumawag? Sorry, hindi ko maalala. Anyway. Dahil nga doon, parang hindi ko magawang makipag-telebabad. Teka, san na ba ko? Ayun nga... Wala nga akong masabihan. Sila Vanir at Luis lang naman. Eh mga isang buwan ko na sila pareho hindi nakakausap. At syempre, wala naman akong social life sa UP... Wala akong masabihan ng problema... Kaya kanina, habang nagcocompose ako ng e-mail para kay Luis, kahit hindi kasiya-siya yung mga sinasabi ko sa kanya eh nakangiti ako. Thank God, nabawasan sobra yung "loneliness" na nararamdaman ko.
Pero bakit nga ba lonesome pa rin ako? Hindi ko rin maipaliwanag. Siguro kasi wala akong pera. Putanginang pera yan. Bakit po ba kasi may pera sa mundo? Yang mga bagay na yan ang naghahati sa mga tao eh... Hindrance sa harmony. Kaya hanggang ngayon hanggang wish lang ang world peace eh.
Kasalukuyan kong tine-text si 2870. At hindi makapag-send. Hay.
Birthday ko na sa 27. Like I really care. Ang gagawin ko lang talaga ay magsimba at magpasalamat dahil sa mahabang buhay. Oo, mahaba na ito. Sobrang thankful ako kay God, kahit na napaka-thoughtful kong bata at kung ano-ano ang naiisip ko.
Naalala ko pala, isa pang bagay na nakapagpa-saya sa akin ay recently nakausap ko si Gelo. Wala lang. Sa ym lang. Hindi rin mahaba yung napag-usapan namin, and there's nothing personal, really.
Little things like that, napapasaya na ako... Mababaw nga kasi akong nilalang... Kaya nga madali rin ako malungkot!!! Shet naman mahirap bang intindihin yun? WALA BANG LOGIC? tae...
at...
HINDI AKO EMO!!!!!!!!
buiset emotional as in pero hindi yang emo emo na yan. bago pa man mauso yan eh laganap na sa mga status message ko sa Yahoo Messenger ang mga, say, poetic na style. Parang gago lang eh.
Hindi ako nakasama sa overnight ng linnae. Sana sa susunod makasama na ako.
Camping namin noong 15-16. Pero hindi ko siguro dito ikkwento yun. wala lang.
Miss na miss ko na si Jorge. Magkikita kami sa 29...
Grabe, napaka-thankful ko sa family niya. Sana someday eh maibalik ko lahat ng ginagawa nila sa akin. hehe.
Mahal na mahal ko si Jorge. Sa akin lang siya. Dati, akin lang siya... ayon... kaya siguro ako malungkot... miss ko na yung dati...
24.12.07
1.12.07
boom!
i'm going mad.
i wanna kill myself.
haha.
all of it hurts so much that i can only take it because if i can't take it i'll surely die. and i can't afford to die yet. can i?
it's not like everybody cares. nor nobody cares. haha. hahaha.
Get easy, one-click access to your favorites. Make Yahoo! your homepage.
3.11.07
funny things about love eklat
May kumalat na text message sa linnae nung isang gabi...
Eto yung una.
"You're trying to forget someone kahit hindi mo kaya.
Nagmamahal ka nang hindi niya alam.
Seryoso sabay loko.
Idedelete mo number nya memorized mo naman.
Hindi mo mahal pero iniisip mo.
Wala kang pakialam pero kung mag-alala ka sobra-sobra.
Deadma 'pag nakikita mo sya pero deep inside kinikilig ka.
Sine-save mo mga messages niya pero pag nag-away na kayo burado na lahat.
Makikipagbreak ka tapos pag na-miss mo makikipagbalikan ka."
may kasunod pa pero parang something na lang...
well funny. haha sabi nila ako daw yung huli. ahaha kaso hindi naman ako nakipagbalikan dahil lang na-miss ko sya. Kahit noong bago ako nakipag-break miss ko na siya. Kaya nga ata ako nakipagbreak. Para mapansin niya ko. Baka pigilan niya ako. Pero hindi. Ayaw pa nga niya ko makausap noon eh. Haha. Worst days of my life. So far. Ayaw ko na mangyari yun. Pero bakit ba ang daming nagsasabi na... Haaay...
mahal na mahal ko si Jorge...
eto yun isa pa.
Imagine yourself naglalakad sa tabing dagat. Palubog ang araw at bigla na lang lumapit sa'yo. Sya ang taong minahal mo nang sobra pero iniwan ka. Sinabi niyang, "I want you back, please, I beg you, I still love you.."
Ramdam mo ang sincerity niya at alam mong mahal mo pa rin siya, ngunit sa di kalayuan, maligayang kumakaway sa'yo yung taong bumuo ulit ng puso mo, hinihintay ka...
mananatili ka bang nakatayo o ihahakbang mo ang iyong mga paa kahit na alam mong di ka na sigurado kung saan ka pupunta?
hindi ako dapat affected sa tingin ko... pero ewan ko... nasasaktan ako... haha...
sana talaga maging masaya na tayong lahat...
"fear is only in our minds... taking over all the time..."
Eto yung una.
"You're trying to forget someone kahit hindi mo kaya.
Nagmamahal ka nang hindi niya alam.
Seryoso sabay loko.
Idedelete mo number nya memorized mo naman.
Hindi mo mahal pero iniisip mo.
Wala kang pakialam pero kung mag-alala ka sobra-sobra.
Deadma 'pag nakikita mo sya pero deep inside kinikilig ka.
Sine-save mo mga messages niya pero pag nag-away na kayo burado na lahat.
Makikipagbreak ka tapos pag na-miss mo makikipagbalikan ka."
may kasunod pa pero parang something na lang...
well funny. haha sabi nila ako daw yung huli. ahaha kaso hindi naman ako nakipagbalikan dahil lang na-miss ko sya. Kahit noong bago ako nakipag-break miss ko na siya. Kaya nga ata ako nakipagbreak. Para mapansin niya ko. Baka pigilan niya ako. Pero hindi. Ayaw pa nga niya ko makausap noon eh. Haha. Worst days of my life. So far. Ayaw ko na mangyari yun. Pero bakit ba ang daming nagsasabi na... Haaay...
mahal na mahal ko si Jorge...
eto yun isa pa.
Imagine yourself naglalakad sa tabing dagat. Palubog ang araw at bigla na lang lumapit sa'yo. Sya ang taong minahal mo nang sobra pero iniwan ka. Sinabi niyang, "I want you back, please, I beg you, I still love you.."
Ramdam mo ang sincerity niya at alam mong mahal mo pa rin siya, ngunit sa di kalayuan, maligayang kumakaway sa'yo yung taong bumuo ulit ng puso mo, hinihintay ka...
mananatili ka bang nakatayo o ihahakbang mo ang iyong mga paa kahit na alam mong di ka na sigurado kung saan ka pupunta?
hindi ako dapat affected sa tingin ko... pero ewan ko... nasasaktan ako... haha...
sana talaga maging masaya na tayong lahat...
"fear is only in our minds... taking over all the time..."
1.11.07
hello blog...
it's been a long time, hasn't it?
for the past two months many things did take place...
many, many times i wanted to visit you and tell you what i was feeling that time...
many, many times i cried and cried deep inside... but seldom, if not never, has there been a time that i really cried... yeah... because everytime i start crying i'd stop. stupid, but very true.
actually i have just forgotten what i wanted to post here...
hmm..
yeah...
right...
as usual...
i am so depressed i can't take it anymore...
"when you want something, the universe conspires to help you achieve it."
when i read that in the alchemist, i felt quite happy. i thought i would believe that, from now on.
so, maybe i really don't want high grades.
is that it?
didn't i want high grades?
and every shit one is talking about grades. college scholar. university scholar. grades. shit.
SHIT.
ALL OF THEM ARE BULLSHITS.
no, not really. i just hated all of those stupid people asking me about grades.
college scholar ka?
>>hindi
university scholar?
>>hindi.
GWA mo?
pag meh nagtanong sken nyan mura aabutin nya.
seryoso ko.
i'm very sensitive with grades.
and i thought...
...that jorge knew that. it seems he doesn't. really.
am i not so disappointed.
well, what can i expect? i don't even know myself.
i don't know but i won't let myself down anymore. sabi nga ni luis, siguro kailangang talunin ko sarili ko. i have to prove myself's worth to me. siguro hindi nga si jorge ang makakapagpatunay na may silbi ako sa mundo. siguro iba. siguro ako. ewan ko. pero kahit hindi ko mapatunayan na may silbi ako sa mundo, mapatunayan ko lang na may silbi yung pagiging estudyante ko ng UP. haha
well isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit hindi ako nababaliw eh dahil sa may mga kaibigan akong talaga namang kaibigan...
haha ang tandem nila vanir at luis.
salamat sa kanilang dalawa, nakakaya ko pa buhay ko. salamat sa mga payo nila, at pakikinig nila... at dahil hindi sila nagsasawa na magpayo at makinig sken... at dahil inaalipusta nila.... er.... haha secret na yun.
ayun. salamat sa kanila.
akalain mo un, blog... sila pa yung nalalapitan ko... si vanir na nasa up manila pa... at sobrang bihira ko na lang makita... si luis naman lalo, na nasa US pa. hanep db. buti pa sila.
well ngayon alam ko na kung bakit lahat ng tao parang ang layo sa akin. it's because i haven't moved on. i've remained on my place ever since that happened. even before i graduated from high school. yes, that's right, blog.
ngayon alam ko na gagawin ko.
hindi ko na sila pilit aabutin pa. hindi ko na rin sila pipiliting tignan ako. hindi ko na sila pipiliting manatili sa tabi ko. yes.
ngayon hindi na ako magpapabaya. putang ina hindi na talaga. hindi na ako aasa sa kahit na sino kundi sa akin. sa kakayahan ko. at dun sa mga handang tumulong sa akin. dun na ako aasa. hindi na sa kanila.
una sa lahat wala naman talaga silang pakialam.
pangalawa. ngayon pa nga lang hindi na nila ako kasama, ano pa kaya sa susunod?
kaya bakit pa ako aasa sa kanila di ba?
saka totoo naman... hindi ko pa nakikita ang kabuuan ng mundo... kaya... siguro hindi ko na muna ikukulong sarili ko dito...
>________________<
parang nailagay ko na ito sa previous posts ko.
ayoko ayoko ayoko!!!
ayokong mag-isa!
ayokong walang kasama!!!
putang ina!
pero ano?!
wala... wala yung mga nagsabi sa'kin na kahit kailan hindi nila ako pababayaan... hindi nila ko iiwan... pero ano? ni hindi nila ko naiintindihan.
ang dami nilang nagsasabi na mahal nila ko.
ang dami nilang nagsasabi na pinapahalagahan nila ko.
pero anong naintindihan nila sa akin?
at nasan sila?
at nasa akin pa rin ba yung mali kung hindi nila ako naiintindihan?
edi sana hindi na lang sila nagsabi ng ganoon di ba.
well hindi ko nilalahat ha.
it's just that, i was wrong when i expected so much from everyone. turns out that "a friend in need is a friend indeed." matirang matibay para umintindi sa akin. hahaha.
ano? ako pa ba yung hindi nagsasabi? hindi ba dapat alam mo na pag may problema? ahaha
well...
iba kasi pag ang tinanong eh "may problema ba?" sa "anong problema?"
sa tingin mo blog, kung kaibigan ko talaga ang magtatanong, alin dun sa dalawa yung tatanong niya sa akin? hahaha
hay... ewan ko... i'm so disappointed with myself...
and there's the fact na hindi ko naman kayang bumawi sa lahat ng pagkakamali ko... hindi ko kaya na gawin yun sa isang iglap lang...
i need someone. friends. yung makikinig sa akin. saka kahit paano naiintindihan ako...
saka...
gusto ko talaga ng music box!!!!! waaaaaaaah meron mga nagsabi sa akin dati na reregaluhan nila ko... well haha umaasa pa rin ako dun... ^_^
ewan ko...
sana magtagumpay ako...
God bless me...
at sa lahat na rin...
sana maging masaya tayong lahat.
it's been a long time, hasn't it?
for the past two months many things did take place...
many, many times i wanted to visit you and tell you what i was feeling that time...
many, many times i cried and cried deep inside... but seldom, if not never, has there been a time that i really cried... yeah... because everytime i start crying i'd stop. stupid, but very true.
actually i have just forgotten what i wanted to post here...
hmm..
yeah...
right...
as usual...
i am so depressed i can't take it anymore...
"when you want something, the universe conspires to help you achieve it."
when i read that in the alchemist, i felt quite happy. i thought i would believe that, from now on.
so, maybe i really don't want high grades.
is that it?
didn't i want high grades?
and every shit one is talking about grades. college scholar. university scholar. grades. shit.
SHIT.
ALL OF THEM ARE BULLSHITS.
no, not really. i just hated all of those stupid people asking me about grades.
college scholar ka?
>>hindi
university scholar?
>>hindi.
GWA mo?
pag meh nagtanong sken nyan mura aabutin nya.
seryoso ko.
i'm very sensitive with grades.
and i thought...
...that jorge knew that. it seems he doesn't. really.
am i not so disappointed.
well, what can i expect? i don't even know myself.
i don't know but i won't let myself down anymore. sabi nga ni luis, siguro kailangang talunin ko sarili ko. i have to prove myself's worth to me. siguro hindi nga si jorge ang makakapagpatunay na may silbi ako sa mundo. siguro iba. siguro ako. ewan ko. pero kahit hindi ko mapatunayan na may silbi ako sa mundo, mapatunayan ko lang na may silbi yung pagiging estudyante ko ng UP. haha
well isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit hindi ako nababaliw eh dahil sa may mga kaibigan akong talaga namang kaibigan...
haha ang tandem nila vanir at luis.
salamat sa kanilang dalawa, nakakaya ko pa buhay ko. salamat sa mga payo nila, at pakikinig nila... at dahil hindi sila nagsasawa na magpayo at makinig sken... at dahil inaalipusta nila.... er.... haha secret na yun.
ayun. salamat sa kanila.
akalain mo un, blog... sila pa yung nalalapitan ko... si vanir na nasa up manila pa... at sobrang bihira ko na lang makita... si luis naman lalo, na nasa US pa. hanep db. buti pa sila.
well ngayon alam ko na kung bakit lahat ng tao parang ang layo sa akin. it's because i haven't moved on. i've remained on my place ever since that happened. even before i graduated from high school. yes, that's right, blog.
ngayon alam ko na gagawin ko.
hindi ko na sila pilit aabutin pa. hindi ko na rin sila pipiliting tignan ako. hindi ko na sila pipiliting manatili sa tabi ko. yes.
ngayon hindi na ako magpapabaya. putang ina hindi na talaga. hindi na ako aasa sa kahit na sino kundi sa akin. sa kakayahan ko. at dun sa mga handang tumulong sa akin. dun na ako aasa. hindi na sa kanila.
una sa lahat wala naman talaga silang pakialam.
pangalawa. ngayon pa nga lang hindi na nila ako kasama, ano pa kaya sa susunod?
kaya bakit pa ako aasa sa kanila di ba?
saka totoo naman... hindi ko pa nakikita ang kabuuan ng mundo... kaya... siguro hindi ko na muna ikukulong sarili ko dito...
>________________<
parang nailagay ko na ito sa previous posts ko.
ayoko ayoko ayoko!!!
ayokong mag-isa!
ayokong walang kasama!!!
putang ina!
pero ano?!
wala... wala yung mga nagsabi sa'kin na kahit kailan hindi nila ako pababayaan... hindi nila ko iiwan... pero ano? ni hindi nila ko naiintindihan.
ang dami nilang nagsasabi na mahal nila ko.
ang dami nilang nagsasabi na pinapahalagahan nila ko.
pero anong naintindihan nila sa akin?
at nasan sila?
at nasa akin pa rin ba yung mali kung hindi nila ako naiintindihan?
edi sana hindi na lang sila nagsabi ng ganoon di ba.
well hindi ko nilalahat ha.
it's just that, i was wrong when i expected so much from everyone. turns out that "a friend in need is a friend indeed." matirang matibay para umintindi sa akin. hahaha.
ano? ako pa ba yung hindi nagsasabi? hindi ba dapat alam mo na pag may problema? ahaha
well...
iba kasi pag ang tinanong eh "may problema ba?" sa "anong problema?"
sa tingin mo blog, kung kaibigan ko talaga ang magtatanong, alin dun sa dalawa yung tatanong niya sa akin? hahaha
hay... ewan ko... i'm so disappointed with myself...
and there's the fact na hindi ko naman kayang bumawi sa lahat ng pagkakamali ko... hindi ko kaya na gawin yun sa isang iglap lang...
i need someone. friends. yung makikinig sa akin. saka kahit paano naiintindihan ako...
saka...
gusto ko talaga ng music box!!!!! waaaaaaaah meron mga nagsabi sa akin dati na reregaluhan nila ko... well haha umaasa pa rin ako dun... ^_^
ewan ko...
sana magtagumpay ako...
God bless me...
at sa lahat na rin...
sana maging masaya tayong lahat.
15.9.07
i'm crying right now...
haha would you believe that? it's been more than a week since i cried... and here i am once again... i just saw my blog, and suddenly i cried...
let me tell you guys how i fucking feel...
this is worse than naruto's or gaara's... (hey i'm reading the manga and i'm at chap 135 yet... long way to go..) because unlike gaara i am loved... but unlike naruto, who, since some people show they care, felt he was no more alone, i still feel alone.
yes... that's how i feel... and i feel like everyone has betrayed me... much like what ivan ilych felt when he was dying... but that's just what's more painful... i'm not dying...
i hate the new world that i'm living right now... and the fact is that i hate everybody in it because they can live in it and they love it and i feel like they've forgotten about me...
hey. you. mind if you sit by me and share what i feel?
i feel so alone...
kahit pg pmpnta ko sa linnae i still feel alone... tapos hindi ka man lang naglalabas ng effort para man lang hindi ko ma-feel na mag-isa lang ako sa mundo... palibhasa kasi ang saya saya mo noh? kaya all you say is "kaya mo yan" and all that stuff... and deep inside sinisisi mo ko... ako naman may kasalanan noh? kasi hindi ako nakikisalamuha sa iba? haha i thought you've felt that... pag alam mong hindi ka nabibilang sa mga ganitong tao... well, you don't give a damn, really. haha whatever you say, jorge, whatever you say... dun ka na lang... kung sino man sila. o siya. sana ako maging masaya. d n kta iwwish n mging masaya ka kasi masaya ka naman.
you just try not to, but it's undeniable...
and now... darkness...
haha would you believe that? it's been more than a week since i cried... and here i am once again... i just saw my blog, and suddenly i cried...
let me tell you guys how i fucking feel...
this is worse than naruto's or gaara's... (hey i'm reading the manga and i'm at chap 135 yet... long way to go..) because unlike gaara i am loved... but unlike naruto, who, since some people show they care, felt he was no more alone, i still feel alone.
yes... that's how i feel... and i feel like everyone has betrayed me... much like what ivan ilych felt when he was dying... but that's just what's more painful... i'm not dying...
i hate the new world that i'm living right now... and the fact is that i hate everybody in it because they can live in it and they love it and i feel like they've forgotten about me...
hey. you. mind if you sit by me and share what i feel?
i feel so alone...
kahit pg pmpnta ko sa linnae i still feel alone... tapos hindi ka man lang naglalabas ng effort para man lang hindi ko ma-feel na mag-isa lang ako sa mundo... palibhasa kasi ang saya saya mo noh? kaya all you say is "kaya mo yan" and all that stuff... and deep inside sinisisi mo ko... ako naman may kasalanan noh? kasi hindi ako nakikisalamuha sa iba? haha i thought you've felt that... pag alam mong hindi ka nabibilang sa mga ganitong tao... well, you don't give a damn, really. haha whatever you say, jorge, whatever you say... dun ka na lang... kung sino man sila. o siya. sana ako maging masaya. d n kta iwwish n mging masaya ka kasi masaya ka naman.
you just try not to, but it's undeniable...
and now... darkness...
14.8.07
senselessness...
you're right, it would be senseless na nakipagbreak ako tapos mkkpgbalikan din naman ako... kaya nga eh...
pero what i was implying then... ok lng skn mwlan ng sense lhat ng gngwa ko...
pero since that's it... prang cnb m nrn n wg nlng... kya... i dunno... bka wg nlng... pero ayoko n kita mkta kng gnun lng dn... ndi dhl galit ako, pero magagalit ako kng mkkta ko n prang wla lng dn nmn pla... hahaha
what the fuck...
dko alam kng may english 12... kng meron man, tapos nun last time meron din, may 2 absences nko.. weeeeeeeeee
shet bka maulit ung ngyari ng second year... haha nun... er... aftermath nmen ni luis... hahaha xD weee... hay...
sorry julie pero mgppkmatay ako...
you're right, it would be senseless na nakipagbreak ako tapos mkkpgbalikan din naman ako... kaya nga eh...
pero what i was implying then... ok lng skn mwlan ng sense lhat ng gngwa ko...
pero since that's it... prang cnb m nrn n wg nlng... kya... i dunno... bka wg nlng... pero ayoko n kita mkta kng gnun lng dn... ndi dhl galit ako, pero magagalit ako kng mkkta ko n prang wla lng dn nmn pla... hahaha
what the fuck...
dko alam kng may english 12... kng meron man, tapos nun last time meron din, may 2 absences nko.. weeeeeeeeee
shet bka maulit ung ngyari ng second year... haha nun... er... aftermath nmen ni luis... hahaha xD weee... hay...
sorry julie pero mgppkmatay ako...
11.8.07
we, i mean i, broke up with him.
i don't know what i'm feeling.
it's like i should be happy, i try to be happy, but i am not happy.
pero ok lang yan...
i won't say i'll get used to it. i won't.
pero pag nakita ko na siya eh ganun, kahit pa sabi ni Jelo eh mapagpanggap mga lalaki, i don't care. haha i won't talk, whatever, to him. i won't even think about him. i'll kill myself, really. haha it's not hard to do pag ganun.
to think, masaya naman sya.
whatever he says.
and i'm not.
i
am
NOT.
i don't know what i'm feeling.
it's like i should be happy, i try to be happy, but i am not happy.
pero ok lang yan...
i won't say i'll get used to it. i won't.
pero pag nakita ko na siya eh ganun, kahit pa sabi ni Jelo eh mapagpanggap mga lalaki, i don't care. haha i won't talk, whatever, to him. i won't even think about him. i'll kill myself, really. haha it's not hard to do pag ganun.
to think, masaya naman sya.
whatever he says.
and i'm not.
i
am
NOT.
8.8.07
my plea
it's raining...
i don't hate the rain. in fact, i really love the rain. i don't get sick because of the rain, really, although some times before, my mother had said that the cause of my fever was because i went out on the rain. no, really, i get sick when i am so tired.
but i can't help feeling lonesome when it rains... it's just, the clouds aren't happy-looking... but still, i prefer rain rather than sunny days... RAIN, i say, not storms or floods... it's just, when it rains there's still light, right? and like, when it's sunny there's just sooo much heat... and i get so damn tired when it's hot, and especially when i'm hungry.
and it's just... soothing... to here raindrops hitting the roof... it's like the sky is singing for everyone to hear...
and i think it's near... i don't even know if i myself can take it...
you know, it doesn't mean that when you're the one breaking up, you're happy about it. you're happy about being free. i mean, cmon, how could you say that? not everyone who breaks up breaks up because he/she doesn't love the other anymore. it's stupid. i mean, like me, it's like, i want to think things over... haha it's been almost a year since i first made this attempt, and ever since it hasn't stopped...
at times i would promise that i won't ever break up again... but then, nothing's changed, really... it'd just be fine after the attempted break-up, for about, two-three weeks... then a quarrel would surface, and stupid attitudes (on both sides) would re-surface, and it's like... grr...
anyway, it's that. i'm not breaking up with you because i don't love you anymore. i never stop loving anyone whenever i started loving them. haha but, i mean, you'll always be on top. i mean, next to God, that is... even if it is 'Z' which is the first letter of the alphabet, or if day was actually night, i don't think i would love someone else more than i Love you...
and i really hope that you really wouldn't love somebody else... you know... i just need (i don't want) to be alone for a while. and i think you too, you need to be alone... let's think all of this over... please?
i Love you...
and i miss you... but you said sobra nmn ako kung mangulila... so i'll try not to miss you while we're away, db? pra ndi nko sobra mangulila pg mgkhiwalay tayo... hehe galing m kc ndi k n gnun...
galing mo kasi...
i don't hate the rain. in fact, i really love the rain. i don't get sick because of the rain, really, although some times before, my mother had said that the cause of my fever was because i went out on the rain. no, really, i get sick when i am so tired.
but i can't help feeling lonesome when it rains... it's just, the clouds aren't happy-looking... but still, i prefer rain rather than sunny days... RAIN, i say, not storms or floods... it's just, when it rains there's still light, right? and like, when it's sunny there's just sooo much heat... and i get so damn tired when it's hot, and especially when i'm hungry.
and it's just... soothing... to here raindrops hitting the roof... it's like the sky is singing for everyone to hear...
and i think it's near... i don't even know if i myself can take it...
you know, it doesn't mean that when you're the one breaking up, you're happy about it. you're happy about being free. i mean, cmon, how could you say that? not everyone who breaks up breaks up because he/she doesn't love the other anymore. it's stupid. i mean, like me, it's like, i want to think things over... haha it's been almost a year since i first made this attempt, and ever since it hasn't stopped...
at times i would promise that i won't ever break up again... but then, nothing's changed, really... it'd just be fine after the attempted break-up, for about, two-three weeks... then a quarrel would surface, and stupid attitudes (on both sides) would re-surface, and it's like... grr...
anyway, it's that. i'm not breaking up with you because i don't love you anymore. i never stop loving anyone whenever i started loving them. haha but, i mean, you'll always be on top. i mean, next to God, that is... even if it is 'Z' which is the first letter of the alphabet, or if day was actually night, i don't think i would love someone else more than i Love you...
and i really hope that you really wouldn't love somebody else... you know... i just need (i don't want) to be alone for a while. and i think you too, you need to be alone... let's think all of this over... please?
i Love you...
and i miss you... but you said sobra nmn ako kung mangulila... so i'll try not to miss you while we're away, db? pra ndi nko sobra mangulila pg mgkhiwalay tayo... hehe galing m kc ndi k n gnun...
galing mo kasi...
4.8.07
spider pig
yes, i'm trying my best to regain the life i so previously had before committing myself to him.
as long as i have funds, and someone's willing to treat me the transpo or even just to help me cope, game ako!!!
i just feel that as long as i have someone with me at the time, i won't think about him. i don't need him to be with me. yes, i just need someone ELSE to be with me - friends, or foes - as long as not him and as long as we won't talk about him. yes and maybe that'll help me de-attach myself from him. the one mistake that i made, really, was to allow myself to be attached to this person, who wasn't at all that hard to remove his attachment from me!!! haha shit.
anyway, i'm trying to enjoy my life, although things really aren't gonna be the way they were before. i thought i'd be happier with him. i thought i was doing the right thing (well, it's not really wrong, but the other would have been better) and something right's gonna show up, but we continued to go down the slope. anyway, i don't want to say any more because all i can think of are the things that disappoint me rather a lot about him. and i've mentioned the major ones on my previous post.
D2 is so great. i had fun with you guys. i'm sorry about the ms. bacbacan, it's really... let's forget about that also. anyway, august 20 ok? we're thinking pa where we're gonna go... and i hope i'll have enough savings for that! hehe
Linnae, we're gonna meet on tuesday ok? DM's gonna come from ateneo to upd and meet with gidget and the rest of the upd ppol, then we'll go nlng to upm. but i really hope na one time upd ppol nmn ang pupuntahan nio. it's quite hard kc n kme lng un gumagastos pra mkta kau, dpat kau rn gumastos pra mkta kme! haha whatever mykel. anyway ngaun kc wla pko pera so most likely nyan sa tuesday ay makiki-hitch nlng ako. i hope gelo's gonna come so he could fetch us nlng from his class tpos we'll go straight to upm. haha i miss gelo tlga. and i wanna hear what DM's gna say ngaung may license n c gelo at ndi xa tga ateneo. haha joke lng DM! i hope you won't go bitching the get-together.
anyway i'll dedicate tomorrow to reviewing for kas1 exams on monday. then monday afternoons for philo11 exams on tuesday. on wednesday and/or thursday, since there's no get-together nmn for lawrence, i'll review nlng for eng12...haha good luck, really.
and i think i changed my mind. i might not drop scrabble anymore. but i am really getting bored with all the usual stuff we do. it's like, i haven't learned anything yet, and i'm wasting two hours of my saturdays for this thing.
i really hope i'll still be able to retrieve what i have lost. i Love Jorge so much but i don't think we're getting anywhere near happiness. really, i'm tired of telling myself that we would get there soon. it's okay if there were some improvements, but there was none. also i always get the feeling that there's something i miss (as in hindi nalalaman). and i've said na nakaka-spot ako ng gnun. and it's disappointing coz i tell him everything i think about everything. but that's over na. i'm really tired, even of crying, even of feeling so miserable. he wouldn't understand me naman eh, so it's so useless. and besides he always thinks naman na siya yung inaapi or dehado or whatever. i wonder nga why we are still nearing our 17th month eh. i still don't know if i'll break up with him, coz i'm still hoping na may maisip akong way to save us... kasi i really can't easily let go of him... kahit pa galit ako sa kanya ngayon, i still love him... he's been everything to me...my only one...at ang masakit tlga was when he said na sumama na lang muna ko sa iba...after all the efforts i've exerted para matanggal yung attachment ko sa ibang tao, un ang sasabihin niya... sakit db?
anyway, i wna join the freshman math quiz. they've changed pala the theme. haha anyways i'll try my best kahit 5th lang, Php1000 din un eh. grabe pero my goal is the Php6000 na prize sa first placer. hahaha haaay...
God bless us all...
you're so disappointing, Jorge.
i Love starfishes. xD
and guys with glasses!!! whoooooooh!
nat walang laglagan ha.
as long as i have funds, and someone's willing to treat me the transpo or even just to help me cope, game ako!!!
i just feel that as long as i have someone with me at the time, i won't think about him. i don't need him to be with me. yes, i just need someone ELSE to be with me - friends, or foes - as long as not him and as long as we won't talk about him. yes and maybe that'll help me de-attach myself from him. the one mistake that i made, really, was to allow myself to be attached to this person, who wasn't at all that hard to remove his attachment from me!!! haha shit.
anyway, i'm trying to enjoy my life, although things really aren't gonna be the way they were before. i thought i'd be happier with him. i thought i was doing the right thing (well, it's not really wrong, but the other would have been better) and something right's gonna show up, but we continued to go down the slope. anyway, i don't want to say any more because all i can think of are the things that disappoint me rather a lot about him. and i've mentioned the major ones on my previous post.
D2 is so great. i had fun with you guys. i'm sorry about the ms. bacbacan, it's really... let's forget about that also. anyway, august 20 ok? we're thinking pa where we're gonna go... and i hope i'll have enough savings for that! hehe
Linnae, we're gonna meet on tuesday ok? DM's gonna come from ateneo to upd and meet with gidget and the rest of the upd ppol, then we'll go nlng to upm. but i really hope na one time upd ppol nmn ang pupuntahan nio. it's quite hard kc n kme lng un gumagastos pra mkta kau, dpat kau rn gumastos pra mkta kme! haha whatever mykel. anyway ngaun kc wla pko pera so most likely nyan sa tuesday ay makiki-hitch nlng ako. i hope gelo's gonna come so he could fetch us nlng from his class tpos we'll go straight to upm. haha i miss gelo tlga. and i wanna hear what DM's gna say ngaung may license n c gelo at ndi xa tga ateneo. haha joke lng DM! i hope you won't go bitching the get-together.
anyway i'll dedicate tomorrow to reviewing for kas1 exams on monday. then monday afternoons for philo11 exams on tuesday. on wednesday and/or thursday, since there's no get-together nmn for lawrence, i'll review nlng for eng12...haha good luck, really.
and i think i changed my mind. i might not drop scrabble anymore. but i am really getting bored with all the usual stuff we do. it's like, i haven't learned anything yet, and i'm wasting two hours of my saturdays for this thing.
i really hope i'll still be able to retrieve what i have lost. i Love Jorge so much but i don't think we're getting anywhere near happiness. really, i'm tired of telling myself that we would get there soon. it's okay if there were some improvements, but there was none. also i always get the feeling that there's something i miss (as in hindi nalalaman). and i've said na nakaka-spot ako ng gnun. and it's disappointing coz i tell him everything i think about everything. but that's over na. i'm really tired, even of crying, even of feeling so miserable. he wouldn't understand me naman eh, so it's so useless. and besides he always thinks naman na siya yung inaapi or dehado or whatever. i wonder nga why we are still nearing our 17th month eh. i still don't know if i'll break up with him, coz i'm still hoping na may maisip akong way to save us... kasi i really can't easily let go of him... kahit pa galit ako sa kanya ngayon, i still love him... he's been everything to me...my only one...at ang masakit tlga was when he said na sumama na lang muna ko sa iba...after all the efforts i've exerted para matanggal yung attachment ko sa ibang tao, un ang sasabihin niya... sakit db?
anyway, i wna join the freshman math quiz. they've changed pala the theme. haha anyways i'll try my best kahit 5th lang, Php1000 din un eh. grabe pero my goal is the Php6000 na prize sa first placer. hahaha haaay...
God bless us all...
you're so disappointing, Jorge.
i Love starfishes. xD
and guys with glasses!!! whoooooooh!
nat walang laglagan ha.
1.8.07
yeah, i changed my layout... it's quite, livelier, isn't it?
anyway, i've finished reading the e-book. i don't really want to discuss it yet, as it is too early...maybe i'll dedicate a post for deathly hallows after i've read my own tangible copy, not just the e-book... but really, i cannot yet absorb the fact that it's finished, there'd be no more "Harry Potter and the ---whatever" that i'll be waiting... no more speculations about the characters, except what happened to them, for it was only harry ginny hermione ron and neville's lives that were clear. no, really, it was only neville. i don't know if harry became an auror, or just someone there, the boy who lived, and it really pains me...
it adds up to the depression i'm feeling about my own problems...
as you may all know, we're really poor. and i really hate it, it's like people come up with many things that i should pay. also, i really get easily hungry...but not on meal times, no, really, i feel more sleepy than hungry...
and there's this bacbacan. grr i want to stay home.
and i'm dropping scrabble.
and i feel so... i dunno... miserable... lonely...
i do not want to list down all the thing's i've done for my life, but my life isn't really just easy to understand...
you see, if you don't know, really, i've changed a lot since i had my life. i'm always at a dilemma, more than when i was in second year. i really can't understand what or how i feel... nor how i could solve this... argh! how do i start this...
yeah, it started when my life said that... stupid thing, really, and i chose my life of course... and he wanted every moment we could spend, we spend it together... every chance we got... and if we could make a chance, we'd make it... at first it was hard, leaving those that once were your life until this new life came... and even if it was just a little moment that he saw i was with them, i could see from his eyes, and face, what he felt, what he was most likely thinking... i should, i could be, with him that time, but i was there having the fun of my life... well, i should have told him, not really, because i saw you... i don't know if he ever noticed that i chose him, everytime i leave them for him... he might be thinking that i really didn't choose him, that it were all but some stupid means to stop him from bringing over that topic again... but i don't know...
and now... has been many times... i felt deranged... stupefied... he said that himself, that we would get every chance we could, and we would make chances, so that we could be together... haha and i thought i couldn't do it, that i'd be easily attached to the new people around me, that i would easily adapt... oh yeah, dumbledore's grown in me... i easily make mistakes, overseeing flaws... i myself was the one who could not sustain not being with him now, and yes, yes, if you would know how i really feel... but you only see what you see... and when i look at you, you say that i don't have trust in you, in us, really...
you tell me those things... and say others... i hear them, and i feel what you say... i've been depressed thinking about all the things you told me, all the things that i know i have contributed the mistake... and yet i can't help but thinking that it's not only me... yes, a part of me says that... think it's pride? yes, but not only pride... i can still differ you from me, my dear... if you can't see, you have been doing recently what you have not wanted me doing a dozen months ago... and i thought you would have known, would have understood, because you have felt that before...
and what did my life say? "sumama ka na lang muna sa iba.."
yes, can't help the memories when they really want to come back... and when i told him bakit hindi ka sumama sa iba? hindi naman pwedeng tayo na lang lagi magkasama... my life told me that he doesn't and won't want to be with somebody else... tell me, isn't that thoughtful? he just wants to be with me... nobody else...
and i have lived with that... i have already adapted to this thing... and stupid me, i just realized it now... i don't want to be with anyone else now... yes, yes... but it's not... and he said sumama na lang ako sa iba... with whom? with these people? no, not really... i have once found people who accepted me, whoever i am, whatever kind of personality i have... and i left them, i left them for my life, and my life is now taking it's toll on me...
and it's really hard to comprehend everything... i have restricted myself from looking at anybody else, from having some other feeling, even just admiration... and yet... and yet...
and with all the things i suddenly found... that, i am afraid, would be mine alone to think about now... because it was like when harry went inside snape's thoughts on book5...
i don't really know... it's like i'm left in a world of darkness... half i have put on myself... half, i dunno...
and it's like no one's helping me... and i sought for help and they...
i don't know...
i don't think i want to end it...
i just think i wish i never said it...
and i don't want to give up...
i want to keep standing firm...
but it's hard when your knee was never strong from the start...
and he's not helping me, as far as i can see... baka sabihin, hindi ko pinapansin... no, futile attempts, and the wrong way of helping... it's like you ask help in learning a-b-c but he's teaching you 1-2-3...
and he never does what he wanted me to do. why? is it because you think i never did any of your bidding? look again. see what i have done to my life. see what damage i have done to it. and to myself. haven't i lost everything but you? for you?
i don't really think i want you to do something yet. i just want us to think these all over... don't just see, look... going there is different from getting there...
anyway, i've finished reading the e-book. i don't really want to discuss it yet, as it is too early...maybe i'll dedicate a post for deathly hallows after i've read my own tangible copy, not just the e-book... but really, i cannot yet absorb the fact that it's finished, there'd be no more "Harry Potter and the ---whatever" that i'll be waiting... no more speculations about the characters, except what happened to them, for it was only harry ginny hermione ron and neville's lives that were clear. no, really, it was only neville. i don't know if harry became an auror, or just someone there, the boy who lived, and it really pains me...
it adds up to the depression i'm feeling about my own problems...
as you may all know, we're really poor. and i really hate it, it's like people come up with many things that i should pay. also, i really get easily hungry...but not on meal times, no, really, i feel more sleepy than hungry...
and there's this bacbacan. grr i want to stay home.
and i'm dropping scrabble.
and i feel so... i dunno... miserable... lonely...
i do not want to list down all the thing's i've done for my life, but my life isn't really just easy to understand...
you see, if you don't know, really, i've changed a lot since i had my life. i'm always at a dilemma, more than when i was in second year. i really can't understand what or how i feel... nor how i could solve this... argh! how do i start this...
yeah, it started when my life said that... stupid thing, really, and i chose my life of course... and he wanted every moment we could spend, we spend it together... every chance we got... and if we could make a chance, we'd make it... at first it was hard, leaving those that once were your life until this new life came... and even if it was just a little moment that he saw i was with them, i could see from his eyes, and face, what he felt, what he was most likely thinking... i should, i could be, with him that time, but i was there having the fun of my life... well, i should have told him, not really, because i saw you... i don't know if he ever noticed that i chose him, everytime i leave them for him... he might be thinking that i really didn't choose him, that it were all but some stupid means to stop him from bringing over that topic again... but i don't know...
and now... has been many times... i felt deranged... stupefied... he said that himself, that we would get every chance we could, and we would make chances, so that we could be together... haha and i thought i couldn't do it, that i'd be easily attached to the new people around me, that i would easily adapt... oh yeah, dumbledore's grown in me... i easily make mistakes, overseeing flaws... i myself was the one who could not sustain not being with him now, and yes, yes, if you would know how i really feel... but you only see what you see... and when i look at you, you say that i don't have trust in you, in us, really...
you tell me those things... and say others... i hear them, and i feel what you say... i've been depressed thinking about all the things you told me, all the things that i know i have contributed the mistake... and yet i can't help but thinking that it's not only me... yes, a part of me says that... think it's pride? yes, but not only pride... i can still differ you from me, my dear... if you can't see, you have been doing recently what you have not wanted me doing a dozen months ago... and i thought you would have known, would have understood, because you have felt that before...
and what did my life say? "sumama ka na lang muna sa iba.."
yes, can't help the memories when they really want to come back... and when i told him bakit hindi ka sumama sa iba? hindi naman pwedeng tayo na lang lagi magkasama... my life told me that he doesn't and won't want to be with somebody else... tell me, isn't that thoughtful? he just wants to be with me... nobody else...
and i have lived with that... i have already adapted to this thing... and stupid me, i just realized it now... i don't want to be with anyone else now... yes, yes... but it's not... and he said sumama na lang ako sa iba... with whom? with these people? no, not really... i have once found people who accepted me, whoever i am, whatever kind of personality i have... and i left them, i left them for my life, and my life is now taking it's toll on me...
and it's really hard to comprehend everything... i have restricted myself from looking at anybody else, from having some other feeling, even just admiration... and yet... and yet...
and with all the things i suddenly found... that, i am afraid, would be mine alone to think about now... because it was like when harry went inside snape's thoughts on book5...
i don't really know... it's like i'm left in a world of darkness... half i have put on myself... half, i dunno...
and it's like no one's helping me... and i sought for help and they...
i don't know...
i don't think i want to end it...
i just think i wish i never said it...
and i don't want to give up...
i want to keep standing firm...
but it's hard when your knee was never strong from the start...
and he's not helping me, as far as i can see... baka sabihin, hindi ko pinapansin... no, futile attempts, and the wrong way of helping... it's like you ask help in learning a-b-c but he's teaching you 1-2-3...
and he never does what he wanted me to do. why? is it because you think i never did any of your bidding? look again. see what i have done to my life. see what damage i have done to it. and to myself. haven't i lost everything but you? for you?
i don't really think i want you to do something yet. i just want us to think these all over... don't just see, look... going there is different from getting there...
21.7.07
7.7.07
"di ko maintindihan ang nilalaman ng puso tuwing magkahawak ang ating kamay..."
yeah right... kaya nga nasasanay ako hawakan kamay ng iba tapos magugulat ako kasi iba yung pakiramdam... hahaha at magugulat ako kasi hinawakan ko kamay nila! haha feeling close tuloy hitsura ko! putek...
"...pinapanalanging lagi tayong magkasama hinihiling bawat oras kapiling ka..."
nababasa mo? pinapanalanging lagi tayong magkasama... masakit kaya yung makikita kita tapos sa malayo lang... pero mas masakit pag hindi kita kasama kahit pwede namang magkasama tayo... sorry ha kung ang babaw ko... ayan na nga dito na lang sinasabi... nakakahiya kayang sabihin kasi nga ang babaw tapos tatampo-tampo ka naman tapos itatanong pa, "di mo na ba ako mahal?" ano ba... sino mahal ko kung hindi ikaw?
"...sa lahat ng aking ginagawa ikaw lamang ang nasa isip ko sinta..."
ayan o! ayan! bawat oras na wala ka parang mabigat na parusa... bakit ba pag kung pwedeng magkasama tayo, tapos hahanapin kita, wala ka naman? tapos darating kung kailan aalis na ako!!! hay... tadhana... kapalaran... bakit ba? ba't ba ako pinaglalaruan ng tadhana?!?! grrr... di mo kasalanan... pero maybe we could do something about it?!?! [yeah, this is the fight between us and (destiny and fate)!!!] di nga... sorry ha... gusto ko lang i-max-out ung time na pwede tayo magkita...
"...huwag mong kakalimutan na kahit nag-iba, hindi ako tumigil magmahal sayo sinta..."
ay naku, nababasa mo? kahit pa nabubuisit ako sa'yo hindi ibig sabihin nun hindi na kita mahal... nor pag bumitaw ako... siguro pag nalulungkot ako bumibitaw ako, pero promise hindi naman po yun dahil sa hindi ko gustong magkahawak tayo! haaay... at maraming marami pa akong gustong i-explain pero bakit ba hindi natin toh napag-uusapan...? hay... sorry talaga... napakawalang kwenta ko... alam kong magrereact ka, please refrain from over-reacting... magreact ka pero wag naman yung parang bata magreact... malalaki na po tayo...
yeah right... kaya nga nasasanay ako hawakan kamay ng iba tapos magugulat ako kasi iba yung pakiramdam... hahaha at magugulat ako kasi hinawakan ko kamay nila! haha feeling close tuloy hitsura ko! putek...
"...pinapanalanging lagi tayong magkasama hinihiling bawat oras kapiling ka..."
nababasa mo? pinapanalanging lagi tayong magkasama... masakit kaya yung makikita kita tapos sa malayo lang... pero mas masakit pag hindi kita kasama kahit pwede namang magkasama tayo... sorry ha kung ang babaw ko... ayan na nga dito na lang sinasabi... nakakahiya kayang sabihin kasi nga ang babaw tapos tatampo-tampo ka naman tapos itatanong pa, "di mo na ba ako mahal?" ano ba... sino mahal ko kung hindi ikaw?
"...sa lahat ng aking ginagawa ikaw lamang ang nasa isip ko sinta..."
ayan. ever since mahulog ako sa'tin nag-apply na yan. kaya minsan wala akong nagagawang homework. pero di mo kasalanan yun, don't worry. sabi nga ni alistair, sabi ni silver surfer (tama b?) we always have a choice. e sa gusto kong isipin kung kailan ulit tayo magkakasama eh... kailan ulit kakain sa kfc (tulad kanina!) o kaya kailan ulit ako sasabay sa'yo hanggang alabang (tulad din kanina! haha dami nagbago sa slex. iba n ad ng silverworks. kaso mas gusto ko pa rin yung gabi... la lng...) o kaya kung kailan ulit kita magiging classmate... ayun... totoo naman yun talaga naiisip ko... and readers, for everyone's information, pag po nag-day dream ako o basta pag nag-imagine ako ng something na pwede naman mangyari, talaga pong napapatigil ako sa kung ano man ang ginagawa ko. that's also how i can stand being alone after being left alone.
"...sana'y di na tayo magkahiwalay kahit kailan pa man..."
onga... sana nga talaga... nadedepress na talaga ko kasi hindi tayo magkasama... isipin mo naman kasi, buong taon last year magkasama tayo... except weekends malamang... pero at least pag nag-aaway tayo at kunyari di kita pinapansin... nakikita pa rin kita... saka nababantayan... at nasasaway pag inaatake ka ng... er... ayun... tulad nung nagmura ka kay sir luna... ahaha pero ngayon hindi na naman ata ganun... nakita ko naman kahapon, you seem to be fine nung dumating ka sa bahay ng alumni... buti ka pa kasama mo blockmates mo... ako kung di ko pa nakita si abychu ndi ko maiisip na tumuloy na lang sa concert..
"...ikaw lamang ang aking minamahal... i
er... no need to explain... haay... sana naniniwala ka pa... wooooooooooh sana wag mo ko tinatanong kung mahal pa kita! sensitive ako sa ganun eh... sabi ko naman sa inyong lahat, ako ang may pinaka diverse na pagkatao sa lahat ng kilala ko sa buhay ko... promise po yan, kahit sino walang makaka-assume kung ano ang irereact ko sa mga issue tungkol sa love life, lalo na kung tungkol sa akin... hahaha sorry talga, napakababaw ng girlfriend mo...
"...makapiling ka habang buhay, ikaw lamang sinta... wala na kong hihingin pa, wala na..."
wala na talaga Lord... magshift po kaya ako sa Computer Engineering? ay ayoko nun... if ever, comsci n lng... wala po akong tiyaga sa pagkumpuni ng computer dahil malas ako dun... pwede po sana gabayan niyo ako sa BAA dahil masaya naman ako sa mga tao dito... ^_^
"...ayoko nang maulit pa ang nakaraang ayokong maalala..."
first year-second year and third year days. hahaha ang saklap nmn ng part na toh. xD o, ayoko nga maalala. ahaha ano ba yun? dko na rin maalala
"...bawat oras na wala ka parang mabigat na parusa..."
ayan o! ayan! bawat oras na wala ka parang mabigat na parusa... bakit ba pag kung pwedeng magkasama tayo, tapos hahanapin kita, wala ka naman? tapos darating kung kailan aalis na ako!!! hay... tadhana... kapalaran... bakit ba? ba't ba ako pinaglalaruan ng tadhana?!?! grrr... di mo kasalanan... pero maybe we could do something about it?!?! [yeah, this is the fight between us and (destiny and fate)!!!] di nga... sorry ha... gusto ko lang i-max-out ung time na pwede tayo magkita...
"...huwag mong kakalimutan na kahit nag-iba, hindi ako tumigil magmahal sayo sinta..."
ay naku, nababasa mo? kahit pa nabubuisit ako sa'yo hindi ibig sabihin nun hindi na kita mahal... nor pag bumitaw ako... siguro pag nalulungkot ako bumibitaw ako, pero promise hindi naman po yun dahil sa hindi ko gustong magkahawak tayo! haaay... at maraming marami pa akong gustong i-explain pero bakit ba hindi natin toh napag-uusapan...? hay... sorry talaga... napakawalang kwenta ko... alam kong magrereact ka, please refrain from over-reacting... magreact ka pero wag naman yung parang bata magreact... malalaki na po tayo...
basta ang lungkot ko talaga ngayon... sana talaga hindi ako sensitive na tao para hindi ako madaling maapektuhan ng ganito lang...
woooh gwapo talaga ni chito.
26.6.07
ito talaga yung inaasahan ko bago pa man mag-college... at ito nga yung hinihintay ko noon eh... hahaha *bgm: groovy!*
wooooooh!!!
more space.
more time.
alone.
ayan.
hindi na nga kami lagi nagkikita.
saya-saya ko nga eh.
kaya nga kahapon naiyak ako.
ang saya-saya talaga mag-isa.
wala naman kasi talaga nakakaintindi sa'kin.
kahit ako.
di ko nga alam bakit hindi ako matino. hahaha
patapon daw ako eh, patapon...
walang kahit anong maipagmamalaki sa mundo...
haha
si God lang...
Siya na lang talaga bahala sa'kin...
sa ngayon talaga hindi ako makapag-concentrate sa pag-aaral... hindi ako ganun e... oc kc ako pgdating s mga gawain... dpat tlga nsa super enthusiastic mode ako... at may kasama at makakausap once in a while (kaya nga naadik ako sa YM) pero dapat once in a while lang... kasi pag mga 1 oras kami nag-usap, tatamarin na ako gumawa... pag naman wala man lang ako makausap (tulad ngayon) kahit may gawin o wala, tinatamad din ako... gusto ko talaga may nakakausap kahit paano... kasi kung may isang bagay na lagi kong nararanasan na ayaw na ayaw ko, yun ay ang mapadpad sa mundong parang hindi ko kayang makibagay... kaya nalulungkot talaga ako ngayon...
miss na miss ko na ang Linnae..
saka MaSci... lam m un, super laki kc ng sunken garden kaya nkakatamad... nakaka-bore... saka walang sasakyan! hindi nga... sa MaSci kc LRT lng maingay eh... yung mga bus? ewan... mga nagrarally na once in a while lang din naman.. eh UP... ewan ko, hindi naman ako naiingayan pero naiirita ko... hahaha saka ang layo lalo namin... di tulad sa masci na nung hindi kami classmates... kwarto lang pagitan.. eh dun, BUILDING... naglalakihang mga BUILDING leche...
ewan... nanghihina na talaga ako...
kamusta naman kasi ang hindi mo ma-feel ang mundong ginagalawan mo di ba?
sorry di ko na itutuloy first week ko. ang haba eh!
basta sobrang nalulungkot ako ngayon...
haaaaaaaay...
kung ikaw ok ka lang, ako hindi...
hindi talaga...
wooooooh!!!
more space.
more time.
alone.
ayan.
hindi na nga kami lagi nagkikita.
saya-saya ko nga eh.
kaya nga kahapon naiyak ako.
ang saya-saya talaga mag-isa.
wala naman kasi talaga nakakaintindi sa'kin.
kahit ako.
di ko nga alam bakit hindi ako matino. hahaha
patapon daw ako eh, patapon...
walang kahit anong maipagmamalaki sa mundo...
haha
si God lang...
Siya na lang talaga bahala sa'kin...
sa ngayon talaga hindi ako makapag-concentrate sa pag-aaral... hindi ako ganun e... oc kc ako pgdating s mga gawain... dpat tlga nsa super enthusiastic mode ako... at may kasama at makakausap once in a while (kaya nga naadik ako sa YM) pero dapat once in a while lang... kasi pag mga 1 oras kami nag-usap, tatamarin na ako gumawa... pag naman wala man lang ako makausap (tulad ngayon) kahit may gawin o wala, tinatamad din ako... gusto ko talaga may nakakausap kahit paano... kasi kung may isang bagay na lagi kong nararanasan na ayaw na ayaw ko, yun ay ang mapadpad sa mundong parang hindi ko kayang makibagay... kaya nalulungkot talaga ako ngayon...
miss na miss ko na ang Linnae..
saka MaSci... lam m un, super laki kc ng sunken garden kaya nkakatamad... nakaka-bore... saka walang sasakyan! hindi nga... sa MaSci kc LRT lng maingay eh... yung mga bus? ewan... mga nagrarally na once in a while lang din naman.. eh UP... ewan ko, hindi naman ako naiingayan pero naiirita ko... hahaha saka ang layo lalo namin... di tulad sa masci na nung hindi kami classmates... kwarto lang pagitan.. eh dun, BUILDING... naglalakihang mga BUILDING leche...
ewan... nanghihina na talaga ako...
kamusta naman kasi ang hindi mo ma-feel ang mundong ginagalawan mo di ba?
sorry di ko na itutuloy first week ko. ang haba eh!
basta sobrang nalulungkot ako ngayon...
haaaaaaaay...
kung ikaw ok ka lang, ako hindi...
hindi talaga...
16.6.07
first week of college life
i've just had a very thrilling first week *cue: when sarcasm strikes*
really, it's nothing out of the ordinary. well, what would you expect during the first week? nothing but orientation and stuff. others didn't even spend half an hour speaking. others wasted time on enjoyable activities. math started lessons yesterday.
well, let's see...
monday, i arrived in knl about 6pm, just before darkness took over. then we (ate and i) went to sm north edsa to buy some stuff needed in the boarding house. before we went there, she gave me my allowance - 1500. i thought it was enough for the whole month. only, after buying, it was down to 1100. then i loaded 50 to my cel, and the girl in the sari-sari store gave only 30 so i had 1025 left. God help me please.
tuesday, i decided not to attend the welcome assembly. i thought it would be better if i attend the first day of class.
7am, philo 11.
730am, students started getting out of the room. i followed suit. i found kuya jerome, i was having second thoughts on attending classes. just as we were going to the theatre afting sitting about 15mins in front of melchor, mascians came. jerome talked to them, then jorge came. no prof also. haha. he asked whether i've eaten breakfast, i said no. he said i should eat, i thought i wouldn't attend the assembly then. fine. we ate at rodick's. tapsilog. P55. then we stayed near the lagoon, just to kill time. i'm not attending the assembly, and flor was searching for me.
930, we rode a jeepney to math bldg.
10, no one was waiting outside room 306.
1030, no one showed up.
11, i decided to go to cal. i left jorge in the math bldg, 'cause 1130 was his math time.
1130, i arrived at CAL 213. no classes dammit.
no classes that day. no assembly for me. i got so irritated. i walked towards there sa tapat ng yakal and rode ikot. i went home.
then nica texted, may orientation daw ulit sa CBA.
bullshit. wasted day. tapos nag-vote ng block head and may sinubmit pa. gosh. i was so irritated.
sabay nagtext pa si jorge, hinahanap ako.
day ruined.
wednesday, nagkita kami ni jorge. lakwa lakwa sa UP tas dinala ko siya sa SM North - so far ang may pinakamalapit na national bookstore. the info came in handy next day.
thursday, i woke up late.
went to MSI, entered the room and i was so stupid dahil akala ko si stefen yung isa tapos may bakanteng upuan sa tabi niya tapos dun ako umupo kinalabit ko siya at HINDI SIYA SI STEFEN! putang ina. i was so embarassed. leche.
all around there were freshmen. kathleen maravilla was in front of me (i'm in the second row) but not directly. and they were answering a shit of paper and a shit of a kind of paper. student profile and class card. WHY the hell did i come late?
i managed to get hold of one each, answered each, and when the prof went out i managed to place my profile and card there. there. haha
after that i don't remember. ah! ok. i walked from MSI to sunken, in front of college of law and continued reading a painted house by grisham. then flor and i arranged to meet each other in front of palma. on my way i met ivan, he said he didn't know where the EEE dep't was and he was about to go to melchor to ask them where the hell it is. i said i knew, and i was going to pass it on my way to math bldg, forgetting about flor. sorry flor! anyway, we walked towards math. then we met leo on the way. he was going to physics. i pointed ivan where EEE is, and he said he'll just go to the eng'g library instead, because he was more sure that the comsci dept was there. it was just almost beside EEE. we said goodbyes and good-lucks and i went on, and remembered flor. haha i bid leo goodbye and waited for flor. we met in front of CS. we walked towards math bldg and agreed to meet after out maths and walk together towards the registrar.
math. oh, we just filled-up the class cards and we had a very fun-tastic activity. each of us must think of an adjective starting with the first letter of our names, tell our names with the adjectives, the school we came from, and tell the adjectival names of the people before us. oh God, thank you very much. after math i met jorge while waiting for flor (we were dismissed 11). i bid jorge goodbye and flor and i went to the registrar. she got her appointment slip (i forgot to mention that i got mine wednesday before we went to SM haha. it's juLY 23. i didn't pay yet because it's more than a month to go)
then i went home. boarding house. i was so tired from walking long distances that day, and my head ached so much. i just rested, but didn't sleep.
then my cel (actually kay ate.) went out. with no idea of the time, i went back to UP. i found out that it was just 3pm. i waited in front of PH 126. then someone came in then out. after about 5mins, i went in and found out that Kas1 was moved to 320. how's that? was it 320? haha not so sure.. i went up and saw juca. good! haha i had someone to talk to. prof came and after we filled-up the class cards she dismissed us. oh good. i bid juca goodbye and went to shopping center to buy our assignments for math (10 blue books, and i recopied my pic for the info card). i met karl on the way, and he said he also needed to buy blue books. after buying blue books i bid him goodbye and went to florofoto. the lady said i need to wait for 30 minutes. i thought it was okay, it's 5pm, about time jorge comes home from his taekwondo whatever class. i thought i'd meet him while walking, so i walked. i walked twice, back and forth but i didn't see him. i went back to florofoto and got my pics after waiting about another 10mins. i went out, and thought i'd just go home. then i thought i'd walk towards the sakayan dun sa tapat ng yakal. passing kalay, i saw rap and other mascians. i went to them and rested and laughed and texted jorge that i was there. after some time he came out of nowhere and said he needed to buy materials for ES1. i suggested there might be in the shopping center, in the same bookstore i bought the blue books. we went there, and bought his things. except for eraser and technical compass.
i was so unaware of time, so i suggested we go to national. SM North. so we did. we waited for a jeepney but all of them were full. so i thought we'd go to philcoa and ride an fx there going to SM. we went to national and bought his technical compass and eraser. we went "home". by the time i got to the boarding house, it was already 2030 and i only have 800 left. oh God.
friday.
i met jorge to give him something and also his technical compass and eraser. haha
philo11. i enjoyed philo11 even if it was just orientation. that's all.
oh am so tired.. i'l continue this next time, kay?
really, it's nothing out of the ordinary. well, what would you expect during the first week? nothing but orientation and stuff. others didn't even spend half an hour speaking. others wasted time on enjoyable activities. math started lessons yesterday.
well, let's see...
monday, i arrived in knl about 6pm, just before darkness took over. then we (ate and i) went to sm north edsa to buy some stuff needed in the boarding house. before we went there, she gave me my allowance - 1500. i thought it was enough for the whole month. only, after buying, it was down to 1100. then i loaded 50 to my cel, and the girl in the sari-sari store gave only 30 so i had 1025 left. God help me please.
tuesday, i decided not to attend the welcome assembly. i thought it would be better if i attend the first day of class.
7am, philo 11.
730am, students started getting out of the room. i followed suit. i found kuya jerome, i was having second thoughts on attending classes. just as we were going to the theatre afting sitting about 15mins in front of melchor, mascians came. jerome talked to them, then jorge came. no prof also. haha. he asked whether i've eaten breakfast, i said no. he said i should eat, i thought i wouldn't attend the assembly then. fine. we ate at rodick's. tapsilog. P55. then we stayed near the lagoon, just to kill time. i'm not attending the assembly, and flor was searching for me.
930, we rode a jeepney to math bldg.
10, no one was waiting outside room 306.
1030, no one showed up.
11, i decided to go to cal. i left jorge in the math bldg, 'cause 1130 was his math time.
1130, i arrived at CAL 213. no classes dammit.
no classes that day. no assembly for me. i got so irritated. i walked towards there sa tapat ng yakal and rode ikot. i went home.
then nica texted, may orientation daw ulit sa CBA.
bullshit. wasted day. tapos nag-vote ng block head and may sinubmit pa. gosh. i was so irritated.
sabay nagtext pa si jorge, hinahanap ako.
day ruined.
wednesday, nagkita kami ni jorge. lakwa lakwa sa UP tas dinala ko siya sa SM North - so far ang may pinakamalapit na national bookstore. the info came in handy next day.
thursday, i woke up late.
went to MSI, entered the room and i was so stupid dahil akala ko si stefen yung isa tapos may bakanteng upuan sa tabi niya tapos dun ako umupo kinalabit ko siya at HINDI SIYA SI STEFEN! putang ina. i was so embarassed. leche.
all around there were freshmen. kathleen maravilla was in front of me (i'm in the second row) but not directly. and they were answering a shit of paper and a shit of a kind of paper. student profile and class card. WHY the hell did i come late?
i managed to get hold of one each, answered each, and when the prof went out i managed to place my profile and card there. there. haha
after that i don't remember. ah! ok. i walked from MSI to sunken, in front of college of law and continued reading a painted house by grisham. then flor and i arranged to meet each other in front of palma. on my way i met ivan, he said he didn't know where the EEE dep't was and he was about to go to melchor to ask them where the hell it is. i said i knew, and i was going to pass it on my way to math bldg, forgetting about flor. sorry flor! anyway, we walked towards math. then we met leo on the way. he was going to physics. i pointed ivan where EEE is, and he said he'll just go to the eng'g library instead, because he was more sure that the comsci dept was there. it was just almost beside EEE. we said goodbyes and good-lucks and i went on, and remembered flor. haha i bid leo goodbye and waited for flor. we met in front of CS. we walked towards math bldg and agreed to meet after out maths and walk together towards the registrar.
math. oh, we just filled-up the class cards and we had a very fun-tastic activity. each of us must think of an adjective starting with the first letter of our names, tell our names with the adjectives, the school we came from, and tell the adjectival names of the people before us. oh God, thank you very much. after math i met jorge while waiting for flor (we were dismissed 11). i bid jorge goodbye and flor and i went to the registrar. she got her appointment slip (i forgot to mention that i got mine wednesday before we went to SM haha. it's juLY 23. i didn't pay yet because it's more than a month to go)
then i went home. boarding house. i was so tired from walking long distances that day, and my head ached so much. i just rested, but didn't sleep.
then my cel (actually kay ate.) went out. with no idea of the time, i went back to UP. i found out that it was just 3pm. i waited in front of PH 126. then someone came in then out. after about 5mins, i went in and found out that Kas1 was moved to 320. how's that? was it 320? haha not so sure.. i went up and saw juca. good! haha i had someone to talk to. prof came and after we filled-up the class cards she dismissed us. oh good. i bid juca goodbye and went to shopping center to buy our assignments for math (10 blue books, and i recopied my pic for the info card). i met karl on the way, and he said he also needed to buy blue books. after buying blue books i bid him goodbye and went to florofoto. the lady said i need to wait for 30 minutes. i thought it was okay, it's 5pm, about time jorge comes home from his taekwondo whatever class. i thought i'd meet him while walking, so i walked. i walked twice, back and forth but i didn't see him. i went back to florofoto and got my pics after waiting about another 10mins. i went out, and thought i'd just go home. then i thought i'd walk towards the sakayan dun sa tapat ng yakal. passing kalay, i saw rap and other mascians. i went to them and rested and laughed and texted jorge that i was there. after some time he came out of nowhere and said he needed to buy materials for ES1. i suggested there might be in the shopping center, in the same bookstore i bought the blue books. we went there, and bought his things. except for eraser and technical compass.
i was so unaware of time, so i suggested we go to national. SM North. so we did. we waited for a jeepney but all of them were full. so i thought we'd go to philcoa and ride an fx there going to SM. we went to national and bought his technical compass and eraser. we went "home". by the time i got to the boarding house, it was already 2030 and i only have 800 left. oh God.
friday.
i met jorge to give him something and also his technical compass and eraser. haha
philo11. i enjoyed philo11 even if it was just orientation. that's all.
oh am so tired.. i'l continue this next time, kay?
10.6.07
Inaayos ko ang iyong isipan
Ngunit hindi ka nakikinig
Lahat na ng bagay ay aking ginawa ngunit
Wala parin
Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin na
Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin na
Wala nang kwenta ang nakaraan
Pero ngayo'y pinipilit
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasa
Gusto kang makapiling
Lagi na lang tayo nag-aaway
Kahit di dapat pag-awayan
Tuwing ika'y lumuluha ako'y nasasaktan
Pag nakikita kang ganyan
Sige na, tahan na, dahil mahal na mahal kita
Sige na, tahan na, dahil mahal na mahal kita
Ikaw lang kasi, maniwala ka
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasa
Gusto kang makapiling
Pero bakit ganyan
Tayo ay napaglalaruan
Siguro nga'y sadyang ganyan
Ibibigay ko ang lahat
Ibibigay ko ang lahat
Pati na rin ang 'yong pangarap
Sasamahan kita kahit saan
Kahit saan
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasa
Gusto kang makapiling
Mahal ko.. para sa'yo.. sana maustuhan mo.. ^_^
mami-miss talaga kita..
8.6.07
ooooh
it’s been a long time since I’ve made a post… I’ll admit I don’t quite have the enthusiasm of ever coming back to my blog, but then I thought I don’t want to waste another blog. yeah.
today is Wednesday, as I’m typing this, and I don’t think I’ll be able to publish this post in the next two days, and I’m pessimistic about being able to post this even if the internet connection has already resumed
-Friday, June 8, 2007-
ok it’s Friday morning. I didn’t finish Wednesday’s because I lost my enthusiasm… as of now I don’t know what I shall say..
oh! it’s near… harry potter and the order of the phoenix!!! oh shoot. the movie. but I guess I’ll just buy pirated dvd. para masaya.
another thing near… haha classes. well actually it’s just welcome assembly for freshman on june 12, but still, that would mark the start of my college days. very fascinating.
I’m nervous, really, because I feel that it would be a tough gets going and going gets tough fight. I don’t think the money that we receive would be enough to support me and even my big sis… we didn’t even receive allowance for april and may, which caused too much suffering… but there’s nothing anyone can do anyway… what’s important is what I am about to face…
as of now, I’m facing it with my eyes half closed…
well, wish me luck.
argh! anyway… I’m soooooooooooooo out of date sa bleach in both manga and anime. I was planning on reading and watching but people are starting to be conscious so I don’t think it’s a good idea now.
we’ve reformatted the computer and I really am not satisfied with the way life goes. no mp3s, just WMA. the hell how can I upload my Open Door on Imeem?!?! I’ll have to convert wmas to mp3s? damn it. I mean, hello I’ll be in quezon the next week.
that reminds me. boarding house. no computer. no tv. not even a radio. just a cell phone that’s also obsolete. oh, how I dread life. not even a radio?! T-T
please people.. someone fund my load everyday so that I can be unli everyday and text text everyday. I mean, every night…
cge, uuwi n nga lng ako tlga every week. ayaw ko mabagot sa boarding house. isa pa, sabi ni ate pag andito sya sa bahay sya lang pwede gumamit ng computer. tama daw un o. pucha.
haaaay.. knakabahan tlga ko… madalas tuloy ako nagiging auti… hahaha
P.S.
i really hate anime. lalo na nung nabasa ko blog nung isang tae i mean tao.
miss ko na linnae... sna mkasama man lng ako minsan minsan minsan...
today is Wednesday, as I’m typing this, and I don’t think I’ll be able to publish this post in the next two days, and I’m pessimistic about being able to post this even if the internet connection has already resumed
-Friday, June 8, 2007-
ok it’s Friday morning. I didn’t finish Wednesday’s because I lost my enthusiasm… as of now I don’t know what I shall say..
oh! it’s near… harry potter and the order of the phoenix!!! oh shoot. the movie. but I guess I’ll just buy pirated dvd. para masaya.
another thing near… haha classes. well actually it’s just welcome assembly for freshman on june 12, but still, that would mark the start of my college days. very fascinating.
I’m nervous, really, because I feel that it would be a tough gets going and going gets tough fight. I don’t think the money that we receive would be enough to support me and even my big sis… we didn’t even receive allowance for april and may, which caused too much suffering… but there’s nothing anyone can do anyway… what’s important is what I am about to face…
as of now, I’m facing it with my eyes half closed…
well, wish me luck.
argh! anyway… I’m soooooooooooooo out of date sa bleach in both manga and anime. I was planning on reading and watching but people are starting to be conscious so I don’t think it’s a good idea now.
we’ve reformatted the computer and I really am not satisfied with the way life goes. no mp3s, just WMA. the hell how can I upload my Open Door on Imeem?!?! I’ll have to convert wmas to mp3s? damn it. I mean, hello I’ll be in quezon the next week.
that reminds me. boarding house. no computer. no tv. not even a radio. just a cell phone that’s also obsolete. oh, how I dread life. not even a radio?! T-T
please people.. someone fund my load everyday so that I can be unli everyday and text text everyday. I mean, every night…
cge, uuwi n nga lng ako tlga every week. ayaw ko mabagot sa boarding house. isa pa, sabi ni ate pag andito sya sa bahay sya lang pwede gumamit ng computer. tama daw un o. pucha.
haaaay.. knakabahan tlga ko… madalas tuloy ako nagiging auti… hahaha
P.S.
i really hate anime. lalo na nung nabasa ko blog nung isang tae i mean tao.
miss ko na linnae... sna mkasama man lng ako minsan minsan minsan...
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