i need someone

I really can't get out of this without anyone's help. Even if you tell me it's my fault I'm at this stupid situation, I CAN'T fucking get out of this. It's so pathetic. I feel like I'm not living. I'm not happy. I'm alone. I've got no friends. I've got no companions. Worst of all, there are times (like this?) when I would pity myself. There's really nothing left. It's so stupid. I miss my old life. I miss the times when I've got friends. When there's always someone to accompany me. That's why I was never afraid to go alone, because I know I am not alone. Of course, I know God is with me always, but I am also aware that He sent people to me in the persona of my friends. And I turned my back on them for someone whom I thought I would have forever. And now, I am alone. Bearing all my problems. I've got about fifty thousand pesos on loan and I don't even know how to pay for it. My family's broken and only a few people ever think of the other members; most just think of how to get out of the family and be happy. It's sad. It's very sad. I feel abandoned by everyone. No one's the same anymore. No one is true. Everyone's just putting up with me and it just kills me. I know. Yeah, it's sad. I'm actually starting to talk to myself in public. Grabe. I don't know why I'm still studying. It just makes me more depressed, having to go to school with no one to talk to and having to impose myself on people I wish would be okay with having me around. I could just drop out and start earning for myself, so I could start paying my debts. I don't even like my course anymore. I wish I could've chosen a different course. Grabe. Yes, it's all my fault thank you very much you don't have to remind me every now and then because it never slips off my mind. I regret all of it, really. I don't want to have any regrets but I have. I didn't want to love anyone but I chose to because I thought it would turn out fine. And I thought I would lose nothing, but instead gain something. Now I see it's just some make-believe; a lame excuse to persuade myself to love someone I know isn't worth it. Or not. Whatever. I'm just so sad it breaks my heart more. Yes, being sad is indeed part of life. In fact, my life's mostly made up of sadness. As of now, that is. As of now. And I thought I could simply go back to my friends and they would accept me, but that's another make-believe. It would've been fine if they scolded me because of all I've done then embraced me (in a figurative manner, that is if you didn't see it that way). But no, they scolded me and left me out in the streets. Yeah, such a happy life. Well I just hope it would still turn out fine. If I can't find a way, God will make one for me, even if I'm His most stubborn son. But as of now, I'm just... So down. I want to give up but I can't. I won't.

When I hear Your name, I sing praises. You make me dance even if I think I can not stand. You give me hope when all I am thinking is giving up. You open my eyes to Your wonders in every step I make.

You always listen to me. You always stay close even if I go away. Jesus, You are the only one I have. Lord, I am not giving up. Just stay with me, and everything will be alright. Protect me, and no harm will be done.

I'm out of words

left for President Cory Aquino. There's so much to say about such a simple person. Yes, she is simple, even if she already became the leader of a country. She remained humble and her feet never left the ground. Even though I didn't really find her being a president bring remarkable improvements to the country, I don't think that matters at all. What I see in Tita Cory is not a president, but a woman who serves as an inspiration to all.

This is one of the songs that was recently reborn in radios (especially in AM radios). It's a song written by Jim Paredes and originally sung by APO Hiking Society and a few artists during the EDSA I time (I think Leah Navarro was one).



Handog ng Pilipino sa Mundo

'Di na 'ko papayag mawala ka muli.
'Di na 'ko papayag na muli mabawi,
Ating kalayaan kay tagal natin mithi.
'Di na papayagang mabawi muli.

Magkakapit-bisig libo-libong tao.
Kay sarap palang maging Pilipino.
Sama-sama iisa ang adhikain.
Kelan man 'di na paalipin.

Ref:
Handog ng Pilipino sa mundo,
Mapayapang paraang pagbabago.
Katotohanan, kalayaan, katarungan
Ay kayang makamit na walang dahas.
Basta't magkaisa tayong lahat.

Masdan ang nagaganap sa aming bayan.
Nagkasama ng mahirap at mayaman.
Kapit-bisig madre, pari, at sundalo.
Naging Langit itong bahagi ng mundo.

Huwag muling payagang umiral ang dilim.
Tinig ng bawat tao'y bigyan ng pansin.
Magkakapatid lahat sa Panginoon.
Ito'y lagi nating tatandaan.
(repeat refrain two times)

Coda:
Mapayapang paraang pagbabago.
Katotohanan, kalayaan, katarungan.
Ay kayang makamit na walang dahas.
Basta't magkaisa tayong lahat!


P.S. I think they're all missing the "na" component here. xD





Ipinagmamalaki kong ako'y isang Pilipino. At ipinagmamalaki ko si Cory Aquino, gayun din si Francis Magalona, sapagkat nakita nila nang hindi pinipilit ang kahalagahan at biyaya ng pagiging isang Pilipino.

T-T

if I could be with you...
as much as I could...
and hold you.
just hold you.

be with you.
be near you.


because, sad to say...
it hurts just seeing you...
knowing you didn't even look at me...

it causes so much pain, and I simply loose myself...