Here we go again

Again I'm afraid that I might not be doing the right things in life.

Tsk.

This must be my greatest fear, then. Being a failure. Being happy one day, and being miserable the next. No one wants to be miserable but the way I'm acting...

First Work Experience

I've been quite depressed lately. The main reason I feel so down is because I quit my job because I really felt that I would have a new job by now, but then... No. It just doesn't happen that way. Again, my divination failed me.

Last Monday (not this past Monday), while supping, I felt that I really really don't feel like going to work at all. I don't want to answer a call, even if I believe I could resolve most of the requests of the callers. I don't like the work and I could just go ahead and find a new one. Of course, my problem is my status as a student or as a graduate, but I just thought that there would be companies who would understand, and even if I could not get to "graduate" (PLEASE LORD, DON'T ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN) if I just prove to them that I am an asset then they could forget about it. But I don't want to go to work.

So as I was eating, I blurted out, "Ma, ayaw kong pumasok."

She just said, "O sige." She already had an idea about my growing dissatisfaction with my work.

Another thing about the work is that it's so routinized that I really feel like a robot, even if I tell myself that I am not and that I shouldn't be. The last day I worked, my voice was so soft and so monotonous as compared to my first day it really got me depressed. I don't want to go and work just because I had to work. I know that even if I did not study it in UP. A company could do better than to have a workforce that are like robots, and live only during their breaks and lunch times.

And this got me thinking about several things.

First off, my mother has been working in the industry for seven years. In fact, for just one company. Five or six years spent as an agent, answering calls and requests and trying to resolve issues of people. And now I know that the sacrifices were bigger than what people thought. I felt pity and shame, and I was really resolved to find a job, get a high salary, and save my mom from this cruel industry.

Another is of course, the business process outsourcing industry, specifically the call centers as they are called. I remember this was supposed to be the industry for our BA 129 paper. Sayang, ang hirap kasing kumuha ng data, maraming hindi publicly listed at hindi magiging reliable ang data kung hindi namin ma-t-track lahat ng companies.

The industry, as I said, is cruel – in some fashion. The way I see it, it's basically composed of voice services – those that involve voice, having to talk to the consumers themselves; and non-voice – working without having to talk to people and be stressed over their snide comments about you. Both has its good and oh-dear-save-me-from-this-industry characteristics. And, based on what I observed, most of the companies that do off-shoring are those from the United States or Europe – those with a very high market share which means larger concerns and/or complains about their product/service.

Non-voice, since I don't really have an idea about it (I was in the industry for just a month and a half, you know, so all this is just based on what I gathered in those months, plus what stories my mom would spare), I just see it as kind of a backstage type of industry. You don't have to talk to customers, so what it might be doing is try to check on accounts, update the system especially those that have many information and the cleaning process is not a priority of the system so that people had to do it manually... Something like that. So, in some ways and mostly better, it's more preferable than the voice functions. However, I think the work is also routinized that you'd soon get bored with it. Also, since it does not really require as much multitasking as a voice agent has to do, I guess it has a lower salary range than voice (when in the same company).

Voice agents, hands up to them, guys. They have to answer (if it's inbound type) or call (if it's outbound type) and have to talk to customers. If you think it's an easy job, PLEASE... No jobs are easy once you get to do it. Anyway, the reason it's so stressing is that you have to talk to people. That means communication, and it has to be effective. You have to deliver a message, and especially if it's outbound, you have to get a message in return (Communications people would explain this better than I do, just try to follow it). Once the other party does not understand the other, then it's really hard to achieve the goal. It's like you're not speaking the same language at all. And that's what makes it hard, especially if the customers you are talking to are half a world a way in terms of geography and culture.

On what I experienced, I've learned that Americans are quite hard to talk to (even if we were advised that most of the people we would be talking to are part of the richer parts of the society since the product and its service is quite expensive). Of course I am speaking because I have a different culture, so please forgive me for that, but I would also like to say that I'm not that naive and there are parts of our culture that I don't really understand or like as well. Anyway, most of them don't bother to try to find things out for themselves. I understand that, however, it is because they are really busy kinds of people and time is like always running away from them. But still, I think it reflects a lot on both cultures – mine and theirs. We Filipinos, even if we might be time-conscious (I wish to claim to be one, but I still am tardy half of the time), really regard time as kind of something that is always there, and we hate to hurry (and I hope we have our own good reasons for it, like, we wouldn't enjoy life as it is if we hurry so much, stuff like that); Americans, on the other hand, want to do as much as they could from the time given them.

But of course, I really haven't worked that long to be able to have a greater idea about Americans, so please don't use this as some kind of “Oh, Americans are like that and like this blah blah” because I've only talked to Americans for three weeks. And I might just be grumbling because I hated that kind of work. But I really did hate it when the customers started blaming me for the system. I mean, I could put notes that they complained about the system, but why complain on ME, or complain OF ME? I don't have more idea on the system of receiving and rerouting their calls than they have...

By Friday night, I went to hand in my resignation letter. I didn't feel heavy at all, and I know that, maybe this might be the right thing.

I'm doubting that since the interview I was counting on, and the job offer I was counting on hopefully, was postponed until February. Well, I believe God has a reason, and whatever that reason may be, I won't give up on it.

UPCAT moment.

Dahil nakapasa ang kapatid ko at naiyak ako pagkabasa ko kanina, magshshare ako. Hindi ako nagshshare (ata?) nung past few years pag nilalabas na yung results kasi wala naman akong kakilalang dapat hanapin dun sa results, or wala akong paki. Basta. Feeling ko lang pag nakita ko na pangalan nung kapatid kong sumunod sa akin, dun ako magshshare. So ito.


5 years ago and about a month more, Periodic examinations for fourth year students. Maaga kasi magppractice na ng graduation, mas mahalaga yun... Anyway, bago mag-exam, may nareceive akong message. Sabi, "Congratulations! Naks, BAA! Triple quota!" At BOOM! Dun ko nalamang triple quota pala yung BAA. HAHAHA

Nung nalaman nilang alam ko na, marami nang kinabahan. Yung iba tinext din yata ng mga magulang. Ewan ko, basta alam ko nakapasa ako. Though actually nag-d-doubt pa ako nun sa nagbalita sa akin, baka mamaya niloloko lang ako... Medyo luko-loko rin kasi yun e. Hahaha!

Yung iba, kinakabahan... Feeling kasi nila hindi naman nila ginalingan nung UPCAT. Yung iba, syempre nag-eexpect talagang mapasa nila kahit anong tipong quota pa yung first choice nila. Syempre, first choice nila yun e. Alangan namang ang hilingin nilang mapasa nila eh yung second choice di ba? At sa totoo lang, malay din ba naming may mga strategy strategy yun - na mas okay kung sa second choice maglagay ka nung "madali" (NOTE: Walang madali sa UP, okay? Relative lang sa quota type, sa scores na pinipili nila, etc. kaya nasasabing madaling pasukan.) para kung mag-fail ka sa first choice mong alam mong mahirap pasukan, eh may fallback plan ka. Naks. Eh walang nag-educate sa amin non.

Ang alam namin, isa ring challenge ang UPCAT. Isang malaking fulfillment pag nakapasa ka doon. Nahirapan man o nadalian ka sa UPCAT, bilang isang MaScian, medyo mataas ng expectations ng mga tao sa paligid mo na ipapasa mo yang hayop na UPCAT na yan. Sa start ng fourth year, priority mo UPCAT. Sa dulo na yung graduation. HAHA!

Pagtapos ng exam namin, puno lahat ng internet shop. Kung tama pagkakaalala ko, sumugod kaming Robinson's at naghanap ng net shop na mabilis (ewan ko kung before yun pumunta ba kami sa ALVA tapos tinry namin tapos ang fail ng connection nila, or so we thought, kaya sabi namin dun na lang sa mamahalin). So dun kami sa mamahaling net shop at gumastos kami ng worth one hour sa net shop sa Pedro Gil para lang makita ang pangalan namin sa web page na napakabagal talaga dahil sa high traffic. Pero worth it naman.

Yung iba, syempre, nalungkot. May mga words kasing di namin alam ibig sabihin, yung mga may asterisk, at yung alam naming hindi sya course kasi ang haba ng nakalagay tapos walang "BA (Bachelor of Arts)" or "BS (Bachelor of Science)" or "B (Bachelor)". [Bachelor IN o Bachelor OF? UGH] Pero yun, yung iba may kulang lang, yung iba pasado sa required score ng UPD pero may kailangan pang isubmit... Yung iba... Hay.

Ang tagal na pala.

Ngayon, alam ko nang hindi nagtatapos sa pagpasa sa UPCAT ang pakikipaglaban mo academic-wise. Karamihan, dumarating sa point na napapaisip kung gusto pa ba nila yung course, o kaya kung matatagalan pa ba nila kasi bumabagsak o kaya nakakawalang gana. Pero ang mahalaga, andiyan ka na e, isang malaking step yan. Kumbaga, it all depends on your Will after this. Kung may napasa ka pang ibang exam tulad ng ACET, etc., anong pipiliin mo? Saka, ikaw ba ang mamimili o magulang mo?

Sa mga tulad ko namang (at ng kapatid ko rin - CONGRATS ULEEEEEEEEET) UPCAT lang ang tinake, aba, choosy ka pa ba e dalawa na lang choice mo - mag-UP o hindi??? XD

Ayun lang naman. Hindi ko natapos yung BAA, hindi ko pa tapos ang BA, pero sabi nga sa Beerkada, I will graduate on time, no matter how long it takes. [UPCAT pa lang graduation na agad sinasabi...]



Hi Jerome, miss na kita. Sana masaya ka kung nasaan ka man. Salamat sa pag-spoil sa akin ha! Haha at yung regalo mo, makukuha ko pa ba yun? Ano ba yan, nalulungkot akong maalala ka. XD

Conversations II

So I was talking again to this friend of mine who said he/she was "sabog."
I got many proofs for that but here's my favorite.

Remember my last post about conversations?


Friend: teka chong kelan klase mo pla
Moi: wala na nga
Moi: makulet?
Moi: ay sabog ka nga pala.
Moi:
Friend: HAHAHAHA
Friend: Sorry siyeeeeeeeeeeeeet

Emo time~

Chos.

I just wanted to say that I actually miss someone who reminds me how much he loves me every now and then.

Just that.

And of course someone who would hold my hands.
And get angry when I spent more time with the computer than with my bed.
Hahaha

BUT no particular person. That made it weird. XD

Conversations like these.

There are really these kinds of conversations that make me laugh out loud.

Seryosong usapan...

Friend: alam mo tol ung makati ung feeling?

Friend: ung gusto mong kamutin!

Friend: preo wala kang magawa

...

Moi: oo lalo na kung nasa likod, hirap abutin e

Moi: di mo pa makita

Moi: di ba?

Friend: lol

Friend: at lis ikaw alam mo kung san makaita

Friend: ako ang alam ko lang me makati

Moi: hahaha

Friend: at wala akong magawa

Friend: haish

Moi: maligo ka?

Moi: valid option naman ata yon

Moi:

Friend: tol i dont think nsa katawan ko ung "makati"

Friend: its jus a feeling lol

Moi: ALAM KO

Moi:

Friend: HAHAHAHA

Moi: hindi rin literal yung maligo okay?!

Moi:

Friend: ayan napatawa nako

Friend: haha

Moi: sana makiride ka no?

Moi: napapahiya ako e.

Moi:

Friend: e kasi minsan e

Friend: ung ibang tao di gets ung terminologies na ganun

Friend: sorry

Friend: inismall kita

Friend: hahaha

Anong meron sakin bakit hindi ako sineseryoso ng mga kausap ko?! =)) joke lang. =)) pinag-isipan ko yung isasagot ko e. Tapos ganon.

Kaya binawian ko... (naka-bold yung part ko kasi default font style sa YM tapos di ko mabago. stupid tumblr.)

Friend: wala kang school?

Moi: hindi nako nag-aaral e

Friend: ai

Moi: out-of-school youth

Friend: sorry

Moi: magbebenta pa ko ng mga pastillas sa bus

Moi: hinahanda ko lang yung papel na pinamimigay sa pasahero

Moi: hahaha

Moi: oi joke lang.

Moi: may final interview ako mamaya, pagpray mo ko ha.

Friend: muntik nako maniwala

wahaha kaya siguro walang sumeseryoso sakin pag may kausap ako. =))

WHY?

Why do I have to be interviewed by the Operations Manager?

Can't help but think about it. I'm just gonna think what Philip said it could be: a sign. And that it's good to be interviewed many times. It's a good thing.

Has to be, or I'll die of overthinking and nervousness. Jejeje~

Something about Faith

I just remembered, I had this notion of Faith that I want to write or express lately, especially since I'm undergoing another "Processing..." part of my life.

Faith is a very important thing to keep you going in life. Setting aside whatever you believe in, so long as you have faith, your eyes become the keenest it could be. Some would say it's going blind, but for me, it's being keen. Why? Because you are able to find a foundation for explanations that wouldn't suffice those who don't have faith.

Some would say that it would be lying to yourself. I say, no. We are all humans. If you have your own means to arrive at your goal - your dreams - your happiness - whatever you want to call it, let others be. How can you prove that you are or are not lying to yourself, anyway?

So, then, it all boils down to respect.

Faith, respect. I'm thinking about them being entwined to each other, and being applied to every aspect of life.

AS I EXPECTED OF MYSELF-

I'm about to storm you for the next few times I will go online. Nyahaha.

Actually, I bought a diary sometime in September or October.

Actually, it was just an ordinary notebook that I made into my diary.

The point is, I have something to write upon that I don't have to go online and do some clicking algorithms.

The next point is that, I am not using it.

Anyway, I'm feeling funny whenever I do a specific thing right now... *evil super mind-fucking smile* No, please, it's just some part of the stalker in me... *more evil super mind-fucking grin*

All things went well today, as I claimed. And so I claim as well the blessings God has for me tomorrow. If it weren't for God, I wonder where they would find my soul-less body now...

New Year / New Life Post

AND SO...

I was drawn to this creepy page I once called "Blog." I should have called this a diary, similar to that of Tom Riddle's when Ginny got it. Poured her heart out. And nothing good ever came out of it... Not really. Well if not because of that freaking diary, Harry wouldn't have saved her, and he probably wouldn't have really cared about her. So, YES, nothing - NOTHING - good really ever came out of it. Ugh

Anyway, guess what?

I've work!

And I don't like it!

So, you companies out there, before you get stormed by the resumes from all the university job fairs and campus recruitments, I'll be sending a hail (hale? wtf.) of my own resumes over you. Ano bang english ng "ambon?" Takte.

Anyway, hello blog. As I said, for some reason I'd rather not disclose (no, don't think it's because of my stalker skills which I'm quite proud of, not also because someone gave me some DIRE news about this freaking blog of mine... no.), I was drawn to this page.

Probably after 6 months or so I'd come again.

Or come to think about it, I'd probably come back tomorrow. :))