ito talaga yung inaasahan ko bago pa man mag-college... at ito nga yung hinihintay ko noon eh... hahaha *bgm: groovy!*
wooooooh!!!
more space.
more time.
alone.
ayan.
hindi na nga kami lagi nagkikita.
saya-saya ko nga eh.
kaya nga kahapon naiyak ako.
ang saya-saya talaga mag-isa.
wala naman kasi talaga nakakaintindi sa'kin.
kahit ako.
di ko nga alam bakit hindi ako matino. hahaha
patapon daw ako eh, patapon...
walang kahit anong maipagmamalaki sa mundo...
haha
si God lang...
Siya na lang talaga bahala sa'kin...
sa ngayon talaga hindi ako makapag-concentrate sa pag-aaral... hindi ako ganun e... oc kc ako pgdating s mga gawain... dpat tlga nsa super enthusiastic mode ako... at may kasama at makakausap once in a while (kaya nga naadik ako sa YM) pero dapat once in a while lang... kasi pag mga 1 oras kami nag-usap, tatamarin na ako gumawa... pag naman wala man lang ako makausap (tulad ngayon) kahit may gawin o wala, tinatamad din ako... gusto ko talaga may nakakausap kahit paano... kasi kung may isang bagay na lagi kong nararanasan na ayaw na ayaw ko, yun ay ang mapadpad sa mundong parang hindi ko kayang makibagay... kaya nalulungkot talaga ako ngayon...
miss na miss ko na ang Linnae..
saka MaSci... lam m un, super laki kc ng sunken garden kaya nkakatamad... nakaka-bore... saka walang sasakyan! hindi nga... sa MaSci kc LRT lng maingay eh... yung mga bus? ewan... mga nagrarally na once in a while lang din naman.. eh UP... ewan ko, hindi naman ako naiingayan pero naiirita ko... hahaha saka ang layo lalo namin... di tulad sa masci na nung hindi kami classmates... kwarto lang pagitan.. eh dun, BUILDING... naglalakihang mga BUILDING leche...
ewan... nanghihina na talaga ako...
kamusta naman kasi ang hindi mo ma-feel ang mundong ginagalawan mo di ba?
sorry di ko na itutuloy first week ko. ang haba eh!
basta sobrang nalulungkot ako ngayon...
haaaaaaaay...
kung ikaw ok ka lang, ako hindi...
hindi talaga...
26.6.07
16.6.07
first week of college life
i've just had a very thrilling first week *cue: when sarcasm strikes*
really, it's nothing out of the ordinary. well, what would you expect during the first week? nothing but orientation and stuff. others didn't even spend half an hour speaking. others wasted time on enjoyable activities. math started lessons yesterday.
well, let's see...
monday, i arrived in knl about 6pm, just before darkness took over. then we (ate and i) went to sm north edsa to buy some stuff needed in the boarding house. before we went there, she gave me my allowance - 1500. i thought it was enough for the whole month. only, after buying, it was down to 1100. then i loaded 50 to my cel, and the girl in the sari-sari store gave only 30 so i had 1025 left. God help me please.
tuesday, i decided not to attend the welcome assembly. i thought it would be better if i attend the first day of class.
7am, philo 11.
730am, students started getting out of the room. i followed suit. i found kuya jerome, i was having second thoughts on attending classes. just as we were going to the theatre afting sitting about 15mins in front of melchor, mascians came. jerome talked to them, then jorge came. no prof also. haha. he asked whether i've eaten breakfast, i said no. he said i should eat, i thought i wouldn't attend the assembly then. fine. we ate at rodick's. tapsilog. P55. then we stayed near the lagoon, just to kill time. i'm not attending the assembly, and flor was searching for me.
930, we rode a jeepney to math bldg.
10, no one was waiting outside room 306.
1030, no one showed up.
11, i decided to go to cal. i left jorge in the math bldg, 'cause 1130 was his math time.
1130, i arrived at CAL 213. no classes dammit.
no classes that day. no assembly for me. i got so irritated. i walked towards there sa tapat ng yakal and rode ikot. i went home.
then nica texted, may orientation daw ulit sa CBA.
bullshit. wasted day. tapos nag-vote ng block head and may sinubmit pa. gosh. i was so irritated.
sabay nagtext pa si jorge, hinahanap ako.
day ruined.
wednesday, nagkita kami ni jorge. lakwa lakwa sa UP tas dinala ko siya sa SM North - so far ang may pinakamalapit na national bookstore. the info came in handy next day.
thursday, i woke up late.
went to MSI, entered the room and i was so stupid dahil akala ko si stefen yung isa tapos may bakanteng upuan sa tabi niya tapos dun ako umupo kinalabit ko siya at HINDI SIYA SI STEFEN! putang ina. i was so embarassed. leche.
all around there were freshmen. kathleen maravilla was in front of me (i'm in the second row) but not directly. and they were answering a shit of paper and a shit of a kind of paper. student profile and class card. WHY the hell did i come late?
i managed to get hold of one each, answered each, and when the prof went out i managed to place my profile and card there. there. haha
after that i don't remember. ah! ok. i walked from MSI to sunken, in front of college of law and continued reading a painted house by grisham. then flor and i arranged to meet each other in front of palma. on my way i met ivan, he said he didn't know where the EEE dep't was and he was about to go to melchor to ask them where the hell it is. i said i knew, and i was going to pass it on my way to math bldg, forgetting about flor. sorry flor! anyway, we walked towards math. then we met leo on the way. he was going to physics. i pointed ivan where EEE is, and he said he'll just go to the eng'g library instead, because he was more sure that the comsci dept was there. it was just almost beside EEE. we said goodbyes and good-lucks and i went on, and remembered flor. haha i bid leo goodbye and waited for flor. we met in front of CS. we walked towards math bldg and agreed to meet after out maths and walk together towards the registrar.
math. oh, we just filled-up the class cards and we had a very fun-tastic activity. each of us must think of an adjective starting with the first letter of our names, tell our names with the adjectives, the school we came from, and tell the adjectival names of the people before us. oh God, thank you very much. after math i met jorge while waiting for flor (we were dismissed 11). i bid jorge goodbye and flor and i went to the registrar. she got her appointment slip (i forgot to mention that i got mine wednesday before we went to SM haha. it's juLY 23. i didn't pay yet because it's more than a month to go)
then i went home. boarding house. i was so tired from walking long distances that day, and my head ached so much. i just rested, but didn't sleep.
then my cel (actually kay ate.) went out. with no idea of the time, i went back to UP. i found out that it was just 3pm. i waited in front of PH 126. then someone came in then out. after about 5mins, i went in and found out that Kas1 was moved to 320. how's that? was it 320? haha not so sure.. i went up and saw juca. good! haha i had someone to talk to. prof came and after we filled-up the class cards she dismissed us. oh good. i bid juca goodbye and went to shopping center to buy our assignments for math (10 blue books, and i recopied my pic for the info card). i met karl on the way, and he said he also needed to buy blue books. after buying blue books i bid him goodbye and went to florofoto. the lady said i need to wait for 30 minutes. i thought it was okay, it's 5pm, about time jorge comes home from his taekwondo whatever class. i thought i'd meet him while walking, so i walked. i walked twice, back and forth but i didn't see him. i went back to florofoto and got my pics after waiting about another 10mins. i went out, and thought i'd just go home. then i thought i'd walk towards the sakayan dun sa tapat ng yakal. passing kalay, i saw rap and other mascians. i went to them and rested and laughed and texted jorge that i was there. after some time he came out of nowhere and said he needed to buy materials for ES1. i suggested there might be in the shopping center, in the same bookstore i bought the blue books. we went there, and bought his things. except for eraser and technical compass.
i was so unaware of time, so i suggested we go to national. SM North. so we did. we waited for a jeepney but all of them were full. so i thought we'd go to philcoa and ride an fx there going to SM. we went to national and bought his technical compass and eraser. we went "home". by the time i got to the boarding house, it was already 2030 and i only have 800 left. oh God.
friday.
i met jorge to give him something and also his technical compass and eraser. haha
philo11. i enjoyed philo11 even if it was just orientation. that's all.
oh am so tired.. i'l continue this next time, kay?
really, it's nothing out of the ordinary. well, what would you expect during the first week? nothing but orientation and stuff. others didn't even spend half an hour speaking. others wasted time on enjoyable activities. math started lessons yesterday.
well, let's see...
monday, i arrived in knl about 6pm, just before darkness took over. then we (ate and i) went to sm north edsa to buy some stuff needed in the boarding house. before we went there, she gave me my allowance - 1500. i thought it was enough for the whole month. only, after buying, it was down to 1100. then i loaded 50 to my cel, and the girl in the sari-sari store gave only 30 so i had 1025 left. God help me please.
tuesday, i decided not to attend the welcome assembly. i thought it would be better if i attend the first day of class.
7am, philo 11.
730am, students started getting out of the room. i followed suit. i found kuya jerome, i was having second thoughts on attending classes. just as we were going to the theatre afting sitting about 15mins in front of melchor, mascians came. jerome talked to them, then jorge came. no prof also. haha. he asked whether i've eaten breakfast, i said no. he said i should eat, i thought i wouldn't attend the assembly then. fine. we ate at rodick's. tapsilog. P55. then we stayed near the lagoon, just to kill time. i'm not attending the assembly, and flor was searching for me.
930, we rode a jeepney to math bldg.
10, no one was waiting outside room 306.
1030, no one showed up.
11, i decided to go to cal. i left jorge in the math bldg, 'cause 1130 was his math time.
1130, i arrived at CAL 213. no classes dammit.
no classes that day. no assembly for me. i got so irritated. i walked towards there sa tapat ng yakal and rode ikot. i went home.
then nica texted, may orientation daw ulit sa CBA.
bullshit. wasted day. tapos nag-vote ng block head and may sinubmit pa. gosh. i was so irritated.
sabay nagtext pa si jorge, hinahanap ako.
day ruined.
wednesday, nagkita kami ni jorge. lakwa lakwa sa UP tas dinala ko siya sa SM North - so far ang may pinakamalapit na national bookstore. the info came in handy next day.
thursday, i woke up late.
went to MSI, entered the room and i was so stupid dahil akala ko si stefen yung isa tapos may bakanteng upuan sa tabi niya tapos dun ako umupo kinalabit ko siya at HINDI SIYA SI STEFEN! putang ina. i was so embarassed. leche.
all around there were freshmen. kathleen maravilla was in front of me (i'm in the second row) but not directly. and they were answering a shit of paper and a shit of a kind of paper. student profile and class card. WHY the hell did i come late?
i managed to get hold of one each, answered each, and when the prof went out i managed to place my profile and card there. there. haha
after that i don't remember. ah! ok. i walked from MSI to sunken, in front of college of law and continued reading a painted house by grisham. then flor and i arranged to meet each other in front of palma. on my way i met ivan, he said he didn't know where the EEE dep't was and he was about to go to melchor to ask them where the hell it is. i said i knew, and i was going to pass it on my way to math bldg, forgetting about flor. sorry flor! anyway, we walked towards math. then we met leo on the way. he was going to physics. i pointed ivan where EEE is, and he said he'll just go to the eng'g library instead, because he was more sure that the comsci dept was there. it was just almost beside EEE. we said goodbyes and good-lucks and i went on, and remembered flor. haha i bid leo goodbye and waited for flor. we met in front of CS. we walked towards math bldg and agreed to meet after out maths and walk together towards the registrar.
math. oh, we just filled-up the class cards and we had a very fun-tastic activity. each of us must think of an adjective starting with the first letter of our names, tell our names with the adjectives, the school we came from, and tell the adjectival names of the people before us. oh God, thank you very much. after math i met jorge while waiting for flor (we were dismissed 11). i bid jorge goodbye and flor and i went to the registrar. she got her appointment slip (i forgot to mention that i got mine wednesday before we went to SM haha. it's juLY 23. i didn't pay yet because it's more than a month to go)
then i went home. boarding house. i was so tired from walking long distances that day, and my head ached so much. i just rested, but didn't sleep.
then my cel (actually kay ate.) went out. with no idea of the time, i went back to UP. i found out that it was just 3pm. i waited in front of PH 126. then someone came in then out. after about 5mins, i went in and found out that Kas1 was moved to 320. how's that? was it 320? haha not so sure.. i went up and saw juca. good! haha i had someone to talk to. prof came and after we filled-up the class cards she dismissed us. oh good. i bid juca goodbye and went to shopping center to buy our assignments for math (10 blue books, and i recopied my pic for the info card). i met karl on the way, and he said he also needed to buy blue books. after buying blue books i bid him goodbye and went to florofoto. the lady said i need to wait for 30 minutes. i thought it was okay, it's 5pm, about time jorge comes home from his taekwondo whatever class. i thought i'd meet him while walking, so i walked. i walked twice, back and forth but i didn't see him. i went back to florofoto and got my pics after waiting about another 10mins. i went out, and thought i'd just go home. then i thought i'd walk towards the sakayan dun sa tapat ng yakal. passing kalay, i saw rap and other mascians. i went to them and rested and laughed and texted jorge that i was there. after some time he came out of nowhere and said he needed to buy materials for ES1. i suggested there might be in the shopping center, in the same bookstore i bought the blue books. we went there, and bought his things. except for eraser and technical compass.
i was so unaware of time, so i suggested we go to national. SM North. so we did. we waited for a jeepney but all of them were full. so i thought we'd go to philcoa and ride an fx there going to SM. we went to national and bought his technical compass and eraser. we went "home". by the time i got to the boarding house, it was already 2030 and i only have 800 left. oh God.
friday.
i met jorge to give him something and also his technical compass and eraser. haha
philo11. i enjoyed philo11 even if it was just orientation. that's all.
oh am so tired.. i'l continue this next time, kay?
10.6.07
Inaayos ko ang iyong isipan
Ngunit hindi ka nakikinig
Lahat na ng bagay ay aking ginawa ngunit
Wala parin
Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin na
Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin na
Wala nang kwenta ang nakaraan
Pero ngayo'y pinipilit
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasa
Gusto kang makapiling
Lagi na lang tayo nag-aaway
Kahit di dapat pag-awayan
Tuwing ika'y lumuluha ako'y nasasaktan
Pag nakikita kang ganyan
Sige na, tahan na, dahil mahal na mahal kita
Sige na, tahan na, dahil mahal na mahal kita
Ikaw lang kasi, maniwala ka
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasa
Gusto kang makapiling
Pero bakit ganyan
Tayo ay napaglalaruan
Siguro nga'y sadyang ganyan
Ibibigay ko ang lahat
Ibibigay ko ang lahat
Pati na rin ang 'yong pangarap
Sasamahan kita kahit saan
Kahit saan
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasa
Gusto kang makapiling
Mahal ko.. para sa'yo.. sana maustuhan mo.. ^_^
mami-miss talaga kita..
8.6.07
ooooh
it’s been a long time since I’ve made a post… I’ll admit I don’t quite have the enthusiasm of ever coming back to my blog, but then I thought I don’t want to waste another blog. yeah.
today is Wednesday, as I’m typing this, and I don’t think I’ll be able to publish this post in the next two days, and I’m pessimistic about being able to post this even if the internet connection has already resumed
-Friday, June 8, 2007-
ok it’s Friday morning. I didn’t finish Wednesday’s because I lost my enthusiasm… as of now I don’t know what I shall say..
oh! it’s near… harry potter and the order of the phoenix!!! oh shoot. the movie. but I guess I’ll just buy pirated dvd. para masaya.
another thing near… haha classes. well actually it’s just welcome assembly for freshman on june 12, but still, that would mark the start of my college days. very fascinating.
I’m nervous, really, because I feel that it would be a tough gets going and going gets tough fight. I don’t think the money that we receive would be enough to support me and even my big sis… we didn’t even receive allowance for april and may, which caused too much suffering… but there’s nothing anyone can do anyway… what’s important is what I am about to face…
as of now, I’m facing it with my eyes half closed…
well, wish me luck.
argh! anyway… I’m soooooooooooooo out of date sa bleach in both manga and anime. I was planning on reading and watching but people are starting to be conscious so I don’t think it’s a good idea now.
we’ve reformatted the computer and I really am not satisfied with the way life goes. no mp3s, just WMA. the hell how can I upload my Open Door on Imeem?!?! I’ll have to convert wmas to mp3s? damn it. I mean, hello I’ll be in quezon the next week.
that reminds me. boarding house. no computer. no tv. not even a radio. just a cell phone that’s also obsolete. oh, how I dread life. not even a radio?! T-T
please people.. someone fund my load everyday so that I can be unli everyday and text text everyday. I mean, every night…
cge, uuwi n nga lng ako tlga every week. ayaw ko mabagot sa boarding house. isa pa, sabi ni ate pag andito sya sa bahay sya lang pwede gumamit ng computer. tama daw un o. pucha.
haaaay.. knakabahan tlga ko… madalas tuloy ako nagiging auti… hahaha
P.S.
i really hate anime. lalo na nung nabasa ko blog nung isang tae i mean tao.
miss ko na linnae... sna mkasama man lng ako minsan minsan minsan...
today is Wednesday, as I’m typing this, and I don’t think I’ll be able to publish this post in the next two days, and I’m pessimistic about being able to post this even if the internet connection has already resumed
-Friday, June 8, 2007-
ok it’s Friday morning. I didn’t finish Wednesday’s because I lost my enthusiasm… as of now I don’t know what I shall say..
oh! it’s near… harry potter and the order of the phoenix!!! oh shoot. the movie. but I guess I’ll just buy pirated dvd. para masaya.
another thing near… haha classes. well actually it’s just welcome assembly for freshman on june 12, but still, that would mark the start of my college days. very fascinating.
I’m nervous, really, because I feel that it would be a tough gets going and going gets tough fight. I don’t think the money that we receive would be enough to support me and even my big sis… we didn’t even receive allowance for april and may, which caused too much suffering… but there’s nothing anyone can do anyway… what’s important is what I am about to face…
as of now, I’m facing it with my eyes half closed…
well, wish me luck.
argh! anyway… I’m soooooooooooooo out of date sa bleach in both manga and anime. I was planning on reading and watching but people are starting to be conscious so I don’t think it’s a good idea now.
we’ve reformatted the computer and I really am not satisfied with the way life goes. no mp3s, just WMA. the hell how can I upload my Open Door on Imeem?!?! I’ll have to convert wmas to mp3s? damn it. I mean, hello I’ll be in quezon the next week.
that reminds me. boarding house. no computer. no tv. not even a radio. just a cell phone that’s also obsolete. oh, how I dread life. not even a radio?! T-T
please people.. someone fund my load everyday so that I can be unli everyday and text text everyday. I mean, every night…
cge, uuwi n nga lng ako tlga every week. ayaw ko mabagot sa boarding house. isa pa, sabi ni ate pag andito sya sa bahay sya lang pwede gumamit ng computer. tama daw un o. pucha.
haaaay.. knakabahan tlga ko… madalas tuloy ako nagiging auti… hahaha
P.S.
i really hate anime. lalo na nung nabasa ko blog nung isang tae i mean tao.
miss ko na linnae... sna mkasama man lng ako minsan minsan minsan...
13.5.07
I don't wanna lose you
I don't wanna use you just to have somebody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you but I don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change
There's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
And there's no way home
When it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay
And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
ayan... super LSS ako jan sa chorus nyan.. chorus lang naman eh.. mamayang gabi may isa pa akong kantang ipo-post sabay update ko na rin kayo.. ΓΌ
sana huwag mo na lang muna ako kausapin... kung hindi ka matino..
I don't wanna use you just to have somebody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you but I don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change
There's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
And there's no way home
When it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay
And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
ayan... super LSS ako jan sa chorus nyan.. chorus lang naman eh.. mamayang gabi may isa pa akong kantang ipo-post sabay update ko na rin kayo.. ΓΌ
sana huwag mo na lang muna ako kausapin... kung hindi ka matino..
27.3.07
graduation na bukas..
bukas na yung graduation namin.. grabe hindi ko talaga feel... i mean, parang there's more to be enjoyed than the previous 40 months in MaSci... grabe, i feel nostalgic sa totoo lang... pero hindi kasi ganoon kagaling memory skills ko..
naaalala ko pa nung first year... nung mga first days... wala pa kaming STA kaya dun kami lagi sa 3rd floor bordner tumatambay... sikat yung cellphone ko na 2100... hinihiram ni luis kasi nililipat nya yung mga tones na nandun dun sa cellphone nya...
lagi akong may dalang alcohol, yung 50ml na maliit... at saka tissue... wala lang, panlinis sa kung ano...lalo na dun sa 3rd floor bordner - mga upuan, bintana, etc... dun sa floor na yun masasabi ko na maraming unang bonding moments na nabuo... tapos meron ding epal na bata dun e, joanna yata o joy o kung ano man pangalan nya yung pangalan... er... laging nagpapabuhat, hilig makipaglaro, sinusukahan ng boiled egg yung kalilinis lang namin na bintana... at tulad nga ng sabi ni jorge, lagi namin kinakawayan yung LRT na dumadaan. promise nung mga panahong yun iniisip ko na kung magtatagal ba ako sa MaSci. yung mga tao kasi na nasa LRT kumakaway din naman. di ko alam kung sinong mas adik sa'min. hahaha
wala akong alam sa ibang section nun. basta sila raine, gwennie, flori, harvy, yani, karen, thea... sila kuya philippe, kuya tim, jay-v at nick - sila lagi ko kasama. er. baka may nalimutan ako pagpasensyahan na lang. haha naalala ko si harvy yung unang tinukso sa'kin. adik kasi si cordova eh. wala lang.
mga praktis ng sabayan na nakikipagkulitan kay jorge. sinasapak si jorge lalo na lagi siya nananalo sa magic. mabait na sana, mayaman, mayabang lang. saka mataba. naaalala ko sa kanya noon yung kaklase ko nung elementary, si mj. er. michael jackson yata... er... tejeros un eh...
michael john! putek. ayun. kasi naman, magkaboses, parehong kumilos, mayabang, makulit, ang gulo, pero lagi ako pinapautang. pero hindi naman ako crush. haha nyak. wala lang.
tapos yung mga moment na andun kaming 5 sa kubo... pag-uusapan lahat ng dumaan... kakanta ng parokya... nde, tsokolate lang saka alumni homecoming alam na kanta ni nick paul at philippe nun eh. punyetang yan. tapos love life namin. mga kababuyan. ayun. parang kelan lang. pero hindi parang kahapon ah. kasi hindi ko na nga masyado maalala yung karamihan eh.
ang naaalala ko lang sa second year ay halos buong taon gusto ko magsuicide. saka dun ko naranasan (first time ba) yung Math Camp. at Science camp din yata. ay oo, officer pa nga pala ako nun. nung mga yun magkaaway pa kami ni jorge. nung Sci camp dun kami natulog nila laurence at ralph sa second floor sa harap ng first year science rum. walang kumot, walang unan. tangina. haha ok. second year. ang alam ko lang sa dulo talagang nagsisisi ako kasi hindi ko na-enjoy to the limit yung pagiging marconi. ayun.
third year...
pinakamasaya.
ayun.
cge next post ko ikkwento. baka bukas ng umaga... ahehehe ^^
naaalala ko pa nung first year... nung mga first days... wala pa kaming STA kaya dun kami lagi sa 3rd floor bordner tumatambay... sikat yung cellphone ko na 2100... hinihiram ni luis kasi nililipat nya yung mga tones na nandun dun sa cellphone nya...
lagi akong may dalang alcohol, yung 50ml na maliit... at saka tissue... wala lang, panlinis sa kung ano...lalo na dun sa 3rd floor bordner - mga upuan, bintana, etc... dun sa floor na yun masasabi ko na maraming unang bonding moments na nabuo... tapos meron ding epal na bata dun e, joanna yata o joy o kung ano man pangalan nya yung pangalan... er... laging nagpapabuhat, hilig makipaglaro, sinusukahan ng boiled egg yung kalilinis lang namin na bintana... at tulad nga ng sabi ni jorge, lagi namin kinakawayan yung LRT na dumadaan. promise nung mga panahong yun iniisip ko na kung magtatagal ba ako sa MaSci. yung mga tao kasi na nasa LRT kumakaway din naman. di ko alam kung sinong mas adik sa'min. hahaha
wala akong alam sa ibang section nun. basta sila raine, gwennie, flori, harvy, yani, karen, thea... sila kuya philippe, kuya tim, jay-v at nick - sila lagi ko kasama. er. baka may nalimutan ako pagpasensyahan na lang. haha naalala ko si harvy yung unang tinukso sa'kin. adik kasi si cordova eh. wala lang.
mga praktis ng sabayan na nakikipagkulitan kay jorge. sinasapak si jorge lalo na lagi siya nananalo sa magic. mabait na sana, mayaman, mayabang lang. saka mataba. naaalala ko sa kanya noon yung kaklase ko nung elementary, si mj. er. michael jackson yata... er... tejeros un eh...
michael john! putek. ayun. kasi naman, magkaboses, parehong kumilos, mayabang, makulit, ang gulo, pero lagi ako pinapautang. pero hindi naman ako crush. haha nyak. wala lang.
tapos yung mga moment na andun kaming 5 sa kubo... pag-uusapan lahat ng dumaan... kakanta ng parokya... nde, tsokolate lang saka alumni homecoming alam na kanta ni nick paul at philippe nun eh. punyetang yan. tapos love life namin. mga kababuyan. ayun. parang kelan lang. pero hindi parang kahapon ah. kasi hindi ko na nga masyado maalala yung karamihan eh.
ang naaalala ko lang sa second year ay halos buong taon gusto ko magsuicide. saka dun ko naranasan (first time ba) yung Math Camp. at Science camp din yata. ay oo, officer pa nga pala ako nun. nung mga yun magkaaway pa kami ni jorge. nung Sci camp dun kami natulog nila laurence at ralph sa second floor sa harap ng first year science rum. walang kumot, walang unan. tangina. haha ok. second year. ang alam ko lang sa dulo talagang nagsisisi ako kasi hindi ko na-enjoy to the limit yung pagiging marconi. ayun.
third year...
pinakamasaya.
ayun.
cge next post ko ikkwento. baka bukas ng umaga... ahehehe ^^
17.3.07
hey.
you reading this?
wanna know what i'm feeling?
why not ask my heart then?
you know i Love you?
i don't think so.
you keep hurting me.
you never understand me, you damn piece of crap.
i'm hating you now, and i'm telling you i can't stop hating you.
why can't you just damn change by yourself?
do you want me to MAKE you change?
i don't want to do that, how many times do i have to tell you, bastard?
you idiot..
you think i don't consider how you feel...
you think i left you at times when i just want to be alone...
stupid brat...
we're so much different, but i don't want to give up..
i don't want to give up,
but i do things even if i don't want them from the very start...
like falling in love to whoever,
like going home when i feel like going somewhere,
like not talking to someone i really want to talk to,
like hurting you when i don't know it.
you dumbass.
yeah.
i'm so much hurt, your highness!!!
just because i called you "your highness" you lose your temper!
damn.
why do i have to always understand you.
and defend you from everybody.
and yet all you see is what you want to see.
no!
don't say anything!
i might not believe you anymore.
you've left me many times.
why don't you leave me be when i want you to, and not when i need you the most?
like being a damn facilitator when one of my leg is immobile and useless?
and why do you make me wait, then tell me you were waiting?
stupid are you?
i've always thought i'm so damn weak... because i cry inside...
but now i'm starting to think i'm strong...
having to be able to handle us, even if i have attempted to break the committment many times... for a damn year...
many things were taken...
friends...
freedom...
and i know what jox feels, but i do not know about loving someone else...
yeah, even if i hate you so... i love you more than i hate you...
but i don't know if your very narrow-oriented mind would ever understand me...
and i'm starting to hate life again...
and you just don't do anything... not that you're the kind who tries to make futile attempts just for the sake of "at least it would do something..."
no, you always want to be in the big shot, don't you?
damn...
i feel like a hollow...
"that was supposed to be a gift FOR you, my dear..."
damn...
a very futile attempt..
to make you want to appreciate bleach again...
i never thought you'd demonstrate your narrow-mindedness in times like these...
such a very shallow reason...
you reading this?
wanna know what i'm feeling?
why not ask my heart then?
you know i Love you?
i don't think so.
you keep hurting me.
you never understand me, you damn piece of crap.
i'm hating you now, and i'm telling you i can't stop hating you.
why can't you just damn change by yourself?
do you want me to MAKE you change?
i don't want to do that, how many times do i have to tell you, bastard?
you idiot..
you think i don't consider how you feel...
you think i left you at times when i just want to be alone...
stupid brat...
we're so much different, but i don't want to give up..
i don't want to give up,
but i do things even if i don't want them from the very start...
like falling in love to whoever,
like going home when i feel like going somewhere,
like not talking to someone i really want to talk to,
like hurting you when i don't know it.
you dumbass.
yeah.
i'm so much hurt, your highness!!!
just because i called you "your highness" you lose your temper!
damn.
why do i have to always understand you.
and defend you from everybody.
and yet all you see is what you want to see.
no!
don't say anything!
i might not believe you anymore.
you've left me many times.
why don't you leave me be when i want you to, and not when i need you the most?
like being a damn facilitator when one of my leg is immobile and useless?
and why do you make me wait, then tell me you were waiting?
stupid are you?
i've always thought i'm so damn weak... because i cry inside...
but now i'm starting to think i'm strong...
having to be able to handle us, even if i have attempted to break the committment many times... for a damn year...
many things were taken...
friends...
freedom...
and i know what jox feels, but i do not know about loving someone else...
yeah, even if i hate you so... i love you more than i hate you...
but i don't know if your very narrow-oriented mind would ever understand me...
and i'm starting to hate life again...
and you just don't do anything... not that you're the kind who tries to make futile attempts just for the sake of "at least it would do something..."
no, you always want to be in the big shot, don't you?
damn...
i feel like a hollow...
"that was supposed to be a gift FOR you, my dear..."
damn...
a very futile attempt..
to make you want to appreciate bleach again...
i never thought you'd demonstrate your narrow-mindedness in times like these...
such a very shallow reason...
13.3.07
h. a. t. r. e. d.
i really feel hatred creeping inside me.. flowing through my veins.. i see hatred with my eyes.. smell the odor with my nose..i feel it with anything i touch.. i breathe hatred, emit hatred.. tears flow from my hating eyes with hatred..
but i look at the sky with plea.. i saw vastness beyond what i see.. a few twinkling stars.. everything was blurred with hatred.. i close my eyes and i see hatred again... i try to listen to the wind but hatred is all i hear...
i lay there, at that wooden craft made by my father which was way back then where i slept... where my grandfather would lie beside me after my mother would go to work... where i had fallen towards the floor several times... where my mother bathed me with towel and cold water whenever i have fever.. where i have slept for ten years of my life...
i lay there, but i never reminisced any of these... i lay there, pondering on how cruel life on earth is... how come people would ask for justice when they are the ones who calls injustice upon themselves... why do we seek equality from other people, when we know we would never have it constantly..? then how come we would ask God why all these happen?
why can't we just rely on God, open our hearts, and hear with our hearts what He wills?
why don't i?
i cried there... feeling hatred inside me...
i waited for it to get off... but it really takes time for me to shake off any hatred i feel... that kind of hatred which i only feel when i am full and can supress no longer any hatred...
and until now i don't feel hatred-free... there's still the poison left, with no antidote but time and God... whenever i remember anything, however little it may be, that contributed to this hatred... i cannot help but continue on thinking... until all of them come popping in my mind that i want to cry... but i cry only when i am alone, or when i cannot take it anymore, or when i'm alone...
i lay there, starting to shiver with hatred... and all the stars do is wink at me, like everything is fine...
yes... all is one, and one is all... even if i feel hatred, i am just a small part of the world... the world won't stop revolving when i feel hatred... not everyone would hear me when i scream because of hatred or loneliness... not everyone recognizes me... but still i am part of this world, and i must continue doing what i should do... all is one, one is all...
the stars won't cry for me when i'm lonely, would they?
the wind won't be suddenly warm when i'm already cold and shivering because of it...
the rain would still fall down on me even if i don't want to get wet...
there would still be darkness even if i'm afraid of losing sight of light...
the birds would still sing happily when i die...
the river would still find its way towards the sea,
and i would still be lonely, even if happiness would want to stay...
and i do not seek justice when i am troubled; i seek guidance... and strength...
but then...
but then...
i'm getting tired of facing them...
the fears...
the problems...
and there's just the mere fact that when paper becomes damp, you dry it.. when it dries up, it becomes brittle... you don't have to tear it for it to become apart... let it be torn many times, you'll have many parts of the paper that was once whole... you try to put it back together, and it would not be as good as the one it was way back... but then, you won't want another paper, because what was written in that paper has been written so beautifully, so majestically that you tried your best for the paper not to be damaged.. without that paper, you could not write whatever that is beautifully, majestically... it would just remain in your mind...
i see...
there's nothing but bitterness..
hatred...
but i look at the sky with plea.. i saw vastness beyond what i see.. a few twinkling stars.. everything was blurred with hatred.. i close my eyes and i see hatred again... i try to listen to the wind but hatred is all i hear...
i lay there, at that wooden craft made by my father which was way back then where i slept... where my grandfather would lie beside me after my mother would go to work... where i had fallen towards the floor several times... where my mother bathed me with towel and cold water whenever i have fever.. where i have slept for ten years of my life...
i lay there, but i never reminisced any of these... i lay there, pondering on how cruel life on earth is... how come people would ask for justice when they are the ones who calls injustice upon themselves... why do we seek equality from other people, when we know we would never have it constantly..? then how come we would ask God why all these happen?
why can't we just rely on God, open our hearts, and hear with our hearts what He wills?
why don't i?
i cried there... feeling hatred inside me...
i waited for it to get off... but it really takes time for me to shake off any hatred i feel... that kind of hatred which i only feel when i am full and can supress no longer any hatred...
and until now i don't feel hatred-free... there's still the poison left, with no antidote but time and God... whenever i remember anything, however little it may be, that contributed to this hatred... i cannot help but continue on thinking... until all of them come popping in my mind that i want to cry... but i cry only when i am alone, or when i cannot take it anymore, or when i'm alone...
i lay there, starting to shiver with hatred... and all the stars do is wink at me, like everything is fine...
yes... all is one, and one is all... even if i feel hatred, i am just a small part of the world... the world won't stop revolving when i feel hatred... not everyone would hear me when i scream because of hatred or loneliness... not everyone recognizes me... but still i am part of this world, and i must continue doing what i should do... all is one, one is all...
the stars won't cry for me when i'm lonely, would they?
the wind won't be suddenly warm when i'm already cold and shivering because of it...
the rain would still fall down on me even if i don't want to get wet...
there would still be darkness even if i'm afraid of losing sight of light...
the birds would still sing happily when i die...
the river would still find its way towards the sea,
and i would still be lonely, even if happiness would want to stay...
and i do not seek justice when i am troubled; i seek guidance... and strength...
but then...
but then...
i'm getting tired of facing them...
the fears...
the problems...
and there's just the mere fact that when paper becomes damp, you dry it.. when it dries up, it becomes brittle... you don't have to tear it for it to become apart... let it be torn many times, you'll have many parts of the paper that was once whole... you try to put it back together, and it would not be as good as the one it was way back... but then, you won't want another paper, because what was written in that paper has been written so beautifully, so majestically that you tried your best for the paper not to be damaged.. without that paper, you could not write whatever that is beautifully, majestically... it would just remain in your mind...
i see...
there's nothing but bitterness..
hatred...
9.3.07
whew.. it was a long time since i've visited here..
many things happened..
my cast was removed wednesday.. i expected it to be okay, but i think it's not.. i've got some problems.. they're quite few, but i consider them major.. first, my cast had a crack, right? so unconsciously for some weeks my leg stood with a slightly bent cast. i thought it was alright, since it was only at a small angle that it was bent... i thought it was still straight.. and anyway, i was always streching it.. stretching it.. er.. yes.. especially when i'm like this, sitting right in front of the computer... so, anyway, now that the cast was removed.. i couldn't straighten my legs. i'm so troubled. i cannot shift my weight on my left knee.
"i hope it heals" was what the doctor said. is this what he meant...?
that leads me to another problem... i still cannot commute.. and i really hate it.
argh... my knee hurts... it hurts but i think i can take it, really... i pray that it heals... that it would somehow come back the way it was, even if not exactly.. i just don't want to experience that pain again - not with the injury... it just hurts when you expect many people to help you, but no one does much... i think i've expected too much of everyone..
expected to much of everyone...
i really wish i didn't do that...
hey. that reminds me. i'm trying to get over the feeling of not being called even as a silver medalist. damn it. sa lahat ng hindi ko makukuha, yun pa... tapos ikaw...
i really wish i didn't expect anything from anyone at all...
many things happened..
my cast was removed wednesday.. i expected it to be okay, but i think it's not.. i've got some problems.. they're quite few, but i consider them major.. first, my cast had a crack, right? so unconsciously for some weeks my leg stood with a slightly bent cast. i thought it was alright, since it was only at a small angle that it was bent... i thought it was still straight.. and anyway, i was always streching it.. stretching it.. er.. yes.. especially when i'm like this, sitting right in front of the computer... so, anyway, now that the cast was removed.. i couldn't straighten my legs. i'm so troubled. i cannot shift my weight on my left knee.
"i hope it heals" was what the doctor said. is this what he meant...?
that leads me to another problem... i still cannot commute.. and i really hate it.
argh... my knee hurts... it hurts but i think i can take it, really... i pray that it heals... that it would somehow come back the way it was, even if not exactly.. i just don't want to experience that pain again - not with the injury... it just hurts when you expect many people to help you, but no one does much... i think i've expected too much of everyone..
expected to much of everyone...
i really wish i didn't do that...
hey. that reminds me. i'm trying to get over the feeling of not being called even as a silver medalist. damn it. sa lahat ng hindi ko makukuha, yun pa... tapos ikaw...
i really wish i didn't expect anything from anyone at all...
27.2.07
nakakainis
bullshit..
i hate what i'm feeling now..
no one can take me back to where i was..
not even me..
i don't know if i want to go back there..
but i wish i were somewhere like then..
i left that place..
bullshit..
i hurt you
always
sorry
sorry kung wala kong paniniwala
sorry sa lahat
grabe
ayoko pa mamatay
pero gusto ko na
i hate what i'm feeling now..
no one can take me back to where i was..
not even me..
i don't know if i want to go back there..
but i wish i were somewhere like then..
i left that place..
bullshit..
i hurt you
always
sorry
sorry kung wala kong paniniwala
sorry sa lahat
grabe
ayoko pa mamatay
pero gusto ko na
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