...i'll be seeing less of you in the next few months... or maybe years, even...
i don't really like the look of it.
sana lang, manatili tayong close if not intimate. hahaha.
you're simply the bestest friend i ever had, no matter how i think of you as a loser. hahaha that's why it's weird. that's why it's fine with me to be with you, even if i look stupid or it shows that i still want you or whatever. well, i do still want you, really. but i've reduced my hoping of things, which i choose not to elaborate further.
and i really don't want to see less of you. i never get tired of your presence, anyway. i mean, i don't get tired of your face because if ever you might have noticed i don't really look at you that often. i'm a weird person, i am. when someone is close to me, it is seldom that i look at him/her. hahaha when i always look at someone's face, it's his face that i'm looking at, see? it's different from looking into his face. and that's just what i do with you.
well i just want to say that (for some reason i do not know and i do not want to know though i've pondered on it for a few times) uhmmm... you'll always be special. far more special than - you know, luis or all the ones i've "loved." i mean, super dramatic as it may seem, you'll always have a special place in my *rotten* heart which i will just keep for you. kahit may dumating ng iba. i won't go saying "sa'yo lang ako" to anyone at all. because no one really owns me for himself.
and i hope that no matter happens we'll just stay as close as ever. i mean. basta. kahit may pamilya nko or ikaw or what. i just want to assure myself. hahaha
pero ayos lng kung hindi.
you know, i'm ephemeral as well. :)
anyway, i'm sorry if i really never showed how special you are. to me.
but you are. God damn it. you really are.
*witch-like laugh*
i really cannot remember how i do that witch-like laugh anymore. you know, the one you and jox always say. hahaha.
/*this is a very stupid post because i'm crying by the time i was saying that part that he will be always special. this really, really is. i hate crying while blogging.*/
27.9.08
25.9.08
oh well.
i do not mean to make any "pasaring" or whatever. and this goes to everyone (i intend) so don't go saying "pinatatamaan niya ako" or "sorry lang" or whatever. i'll really pounce on anyone who'd do that.
and don't go proofreading this. hahaha.
anyway. here goes.
i do believe that friends do not exist to make your life become the ideal (life, i mean). we (i use "we" because i'm kinda including myself. as a friend. and as a person. hahaha) may be here to make it perfect, but perfect does not equate to ideal, though one may take them as synonyms or whatever.
no.
excuse me but no one lives to please anyone, not in the least to please F-R-I-E-N-D-S. if you are a friend, don't expect that your friends should please you, meaning anything they do that you do not like will almost make you hate them. true, we get as much disappointments from friends as we do from enemies. might be even more, now that i think about it.
it's good to do one thing at a time, like listening, giving advices, confiding, leaning, hugging. but not all the time. i have proven that with the help of someone. i mean, even seeing all the time the person you want to be always with is tiresome at times. you get to realize that you wish you could go back to feeling the yearning inside you. the longing to see that person again. and again. but i'm well off my point now! anyway, what i want to say is, don't go tiring your friends, because even if it shouldn't be, or rather it seems it shouldn't be, but friends get tired too, you know.
don't go always worrying them or they'll end up being indifferent.
heed their advices but do not depend on them like you don't know how to think at all.
and don't go thinking that scars do nothing but remind you of the wound that caused it. it should, you know, that's really what it's for. but then, you should know as well that you might not want to add more scars or re-open the wound or anything, so don't brood over these matters every moment of your life.
i also think that if you have anything you wish to tell your friend, or friends, either you go tell him/her straight or wait until they don't bother you anymore. so even if you think he/she is having a big bubble as a head and you really wish you could pop it or something like that and you wish that he stops existing or anything, sabihin mo na lang, utang na loob. mag-sorry kung magso-sorry. i-confront kung ico-confront. yakapin kung gusto yakapin. don't wait for the right time, because it will never come.
and don't be bothered by what he would say or do after you told him whatever it is you want to tell him. dear me. who cares about what should happen? what should you do? no one, really. everyone just guesses, but you are the one who'll do the making. basta. tangina. wag niyo nang hintayin na sumabog na lahat ng stars sa kalangitan o kaya si Jadis ay nandito na sa mundo natin at ginagawa ng winter ang buong panahon.
and don't go finding other people that you have a similar opinion against anyone. i say, anyone, not anything. it's a bad habit, you know. it's like you're conspiring against this someone. nakakairita e.
and really, never expect anyone to CHANGE as if that's as easy as changing your underwears. ilabas niyo lahat ng gusto ninyong ilabas, pero don't expect an immediate change. don't even desire for the change you want. basta. yung tipong, ang sama-sama niya, tapos nasabi mo na sa kanya na masama siya, tapos ineexpect mo the next day kabaliktaran na siya. tae. magbasa kayo ng Narnia, para masaya. a person will change when he/she feels he/she ought to.
wala lang.
these friendship issues and all. syempre, affected din ako sa lahat ng sinabi ko. i realized them, but i don't think they'll sink that fast. they're hard to accept, i know. syempre nagawa ko na rin lahat yan. naranasan ko nang makinig, pakinggan, balewalain, pagalitan, pagkaisahan, pag-usapan, at i-backstab ng mga kaibigan ko. er. of course, i still regard some of those who backstabbed me as friends, because i don't think someone has done so. yet. and i think, i mean. hahaha.
and don't go proofreading this. hahaha.
anyway. here goes.
i do believe that friends do not exist to make your life become the ideal (life, i mean). we (i use "we" because i'm kinda including myself. as a friend. and as a person. hahaha) may be here to make it perfect, but perfect does not equate to ideal, though one may take them as synonyms or whatever.
no.
excuse me but no one lives to please anyone, not in the least to please F-R-I-E-N-D-S. if you are a friend, don't expect that your friends should please you, meaning anything they do that you do not like will almost make you hate them. true, we get as much disappointments from friends as we do from enemies. might be even more, now that i think about it.
it's good to do one thing at a time, like listening, giving advices, confiding, leaning, hugging. but not all the time. i have proven that with the help of someone. i mean, even seeing all the time the person you want to be always with is tiresome at times. you get to realize that you wish you could go back to feeling the yearning inside you. the longing to see that person again. and again. but i'm well off my point now! anyway, what i want to say is, don't go tiring your friends, because even if it shouldn't be, or rather it seems it shouldn't be, but friends get tired too, you know.
don't go always worrying them or they'll end up being indifferent.
heed their advices but do not depend on them like you don't know how to think at all.
and don't go thinking that scars do nothing but remind you of the wound that caused it. it should, you know, that's really what it's for. but then, you should know as well that you might not want to add more scars or re-open the wound or anything, so don't brood over these matters every moment of your life.
i also think that if you have anything you wish to tell your friend, or friends, either you go tell him/her straight or wait until they don't bother you anymore. so even if you think he/she is having a big bubble as a head and you really wish you could pop it or something like that and you wish that he stops existing or anything, sabihin mo na lang, utang na loob. mag-sorry kung magso-sorry. i-confront kung ico-confront. yakapin kung gusto yakapin. don't wait for the right time, because it will never come.
and don't be bothered by what he would say or do after you told him whatever it is you want to tell him. dear me. who cares about what should happen? what should you do? no one, really. everyone just guesses, but you are the one who'll do the making. basta. tangina. wag niyo nang hintayin na sumabog na lahat ng stars sa kalangitan o kaya si Jadis ay nandito na sa mundo natin at ginagawa ng winter ang buong panahon.
and don't go finding other people that you have a similar opinion against anyone. i say, anyone, not anything. it's a bad habit, you know. it's like you're conspiring against this someone. nakakairita e.
and really, never expect anyone to CHANGE as if that's as easy as changing your underwears. ilabas niyo lahat ng gusto ninyong ilabas, pero don't expect an immediate change. don't even desire for the change you want. basta. yung tipong, ang sama-sama niya, tapos nasabi mo na sa kanya na masama siya, tapos ineexpect mo the next day kabaliktaran na siya. tae. magbasa kayo ng Narnia, para masaya. a person will change when he/she feels he/she ought to.
wala lang.
these friendship issues and all. syempre, affected din ako sa lahat ng sinabi ko. i realized them, but i don't think they'll sink that fast. they're hard to accept, i know. syempre nagawa ko na rin lahat yan. naranasan ko nang makinig, pakinggan, balewalain, pagalitan, pagkaisahan, pag-usapan, at i-backstab ng mga kaibigan ko. er. of course, i still regard some of those who backstabbed me as friends, because i don't think someone has done so. yet. and i think, i mean. hahaha.
24.9.08
grabe.
i feel so lonely. as in yung tipong nakaka-depress na depression. basta, yung hindi ko magawang isipin na makakaya ko lahat ng ito at malalampasan ko lahat ng ito at kung ano pang pagmomotivate sa sarili ko'y hindi talaga gumagana.
kanina nga akala ko hindi ako iimik ngayong araw na ito. pero hindi. hindi ko lang talaga mapigilang magdaldal.
hindi ko mapigilang tumawa pag may nakita akong katawa-tawa (para sa akin, i mean).
hindi ko kayang magkunwari na hindi nakakairita ang mga bagay na tulad ng pagtalsik ng putik sa binti ko habang naglalakad.
pero ang weird. ayoko nang magdrama pero sa totoo lang kasi, gusto ko na talaga iiyak lahat ng ito. alam niyo yun, yung ramdam mo sa sarili mo na kapag umiyak ka, alam mo na makakaya mo na talaga kung ano man ang challenge na gusto ng Diyos na harapin mo para maging mas matatag ang pananalig mo sa Kanya and all.
ewan ko ba.
iniisip ko nga, manood siguro ako ng drama. yung sa sine mas maganda. feeling ko may mangyayari eh kapag ganoon. maiiyak talaga ako. i mean, (naalala ko lang okay?!?!) tulad noong summer. dumating yung time na akala ko hindi ko na iiyakan yung break-up namin ni Jorge kasi it's been (back then) about a week or so since i actually cried, whether consciously or not. tapos this time came when i downloaded a song to test whether songs are enough to cry for me. yung tipong akala ko (at alam ko actually) na makaka-relate ako sa song but i did not really think of crying because of hearing it, for heaven's sake. and i did. grabe. i think that song was "How Could An Angel Break My Heart?" actually there's another one, also sung by Tony Braxton, "Unbreak My Heart." before summer classes ended i erased them from my mp4 player. oh dear, i really couldn't help crying then, it's funny remembering i did. hahaha. and, oh dear! i was actually inside a bus when i cried! i don't remember if i had a seatmate then; i don't think so. or maybe he/she was asleep. i don't know. not that it really matters.
but my point is, i really want to cry. but i don't think listening to those songs wouldn't make me cry anymore. i mean, my broken heart isn't the issue here, so those songs won't really make any impact. i don't know the problem at all.
that's it.
everyone knows that the first step in problem solving is identifying the problem.
and something started to bother me.
kanina nga akala ko hindi ako iimik ngayong araw na ito. pero hindi. hindi ko lang talaga mapigilang magdaldal.
hindi ko mapigilang tumawa pag may nakita akong katawa-tawa (para sa akin, i mean).
hindi ko kayang magkunwari na hindi nakakairita ang mga bagay na tulad ng pagtalsik ng putik sa binti ko habang naglalakad.
pero ang weird. ayoko nang magdrama pero sa totoo lang kasi, gusto ko na talaga iiyak lahat ng ito. alam niyo yun, yung ramdam mo sa sarili mo na kapag umiyak ka, alam mo na makakaya mo na talaga kung ano man ang challenge na gusto ng Diyos na harapin mo para maging mas matatag ang pananalig mo sa Kanya and all.
ewan ko ba.
iniisip ko nga, manood siguro ako ng drama. yung sa sine mas maganda. feeling ko may mangyayari eh kapag ganoon. maiiyak talaga ako. i mean, (naalala ko lang okay?!?!) tulad noong summer. dumating yung time na akala ko hindi ko na iiyakan yung break-up namin ni Jorge kasi it's been (back then) about a week or so since i actually cried, whether consciously or not. tapos this time came when i downloaded a song to test whether songs are enough to cry for me. yung tipong akala ko (at alam ko actually) na makaka-relate ako sa song but i did not really think of crying because of hearing it, for heaven's sake. and i did. grabe. i think that song was "How Could An Angel Break My Heart?" actually there's another one, also sung by Tony Braxton, "Unbreak My Heart." before summer classes ended i erased them from my mp4 player. oh dear, i really couldn't help crying then, it's funny remembering i did. hahaha. and, oh dear! i was actually inside a bus when i cried! i don't remember if i had a seatmate then; i don't think so. or maybe he/she was asleep. i don't know. not that it really matters.
but my point is, i really want to cry. but i don't think listening to those songs wouldn't make me cry anymore. i mean, my broken heart isn't the issue here, so those songs won't really make any impact. i don't know the problem at all.
that's it.
everyone knows that the first step in problem solving is identifying the problem.
and something started to bother me.
20.9.08
yung background ko
ay kinuha ko sa batangas noong camping namin na ginanap sa date na naka-indicate sa lower-right corner ng pic.
saka ko na i-eedit ha. hehe di ko pa naiinstall yung photoshop and all. :)
saka ko na i-eedit ha. hehe di ko pa naiinstall yung photoshop and all. :)
19.9.08
pfffft.
kakairita naman.
di ko sya nakita. hahaha
what does it matter?
wala lang naman.
pfffffffft.
weird pa naman un... daming nalalaman. hahaha maybe that's why i like him so much.
and yet there are times when i just can't help but despise his existence as well.
wait, let me rephrase that.
i can't help but despise the fact that some people simply love to do flirting. and he's one of them.
so i don't really despise his existence. nyahaha
and i just can't let him read this.
hahaha inedit ko. madededuce agad ni Gens pag nakita nya yung binura ko! hahaha tama na Gens. dami mo ng alam. :D hahaha joke.
di ko sya nakita. hahaha
what does it matter?
wala lang naman.
pfffffffft.
weird pa naman un... daming nalalaman. hahaha maybe that's why i like him so much.
and yet there are times when i just can't help but despise his existence as well.
wait, let me rephrase that.
i can't help but despise the fact that some people simply love to do flirting. and he's one of them.
so i don't really despise his existence. nyahaha
and i just can't let him read this.
hahaha inedit ko. madededuce agad ni Gens pag nakita nya yung binura ko! hahaha tama na Gens. dami mo ng alam. :D hahaha joke.
15.9.08
weee~
2330. at nandito pa rin ako kanila bamba. ^_^
whatta day. hahaha. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. papatayin na ako ng nanay ko. well, ayoko pa mamatay, gusto ko lang maglaho. T-T
whatta day. hahaha. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. papatayin na ako ng nanay ko. well, ayoko pa mamatay, gusto ko lang maglaho. T-T
8.9.08
dear jorge,
salamat sa pagtawag.
hahaha.
mejo masama pa rin loob ko. pero ayun. salamat pa rin sa pagtawag. para lang mag-goodnight.
miss na miss na kita.
i guess i haven't really forgiven you yet. but then again... ikaw pa. ahaha.
love,
michaelle
hahaha.
mejo masama pa rin loob ko. pero ayun. salamat pa rin sa pagtawag. para lang mag-goodnight.
miss na miss na kita.
i guess i haven't really forgiven you yet. but then again... ikaw pa. ahaha.
love,
michaelle
3.9.08
dear jorge,
sorry naman kahapon ha.
pumunta ako dun (1) dahil na-miss ko rin naman ang tambay moments at (2) dahil pupunta ka. sabi mo.
at sana kapag umaalis ako nang ganoon... ewan, nung nagreact ka kasi... ewan... nakakabigat ng loob...
hindi ko alam kung bakit...
-michaelle
pumunta ako dun (1) dahil na-miss ko rin naman ang tambay moments at (2) dahil pupunta ka. sabi mo.
at sana kapag umaalis ako nang ganoon... ewan, nung nagreact ka kasi... ewan... nakakabigat ng loob...
hindi ko alam kung bakit...
-michaelle
1.9.08
dear jorge,
alam mo ba, sobrang nasaktan lang naman ako noong i-text mo ako noong sabado nang "One thing mykel. Wag kang epal." grabe. hindi pala sobra, pero nasaktan pa rin ako.
at kanina, sobra-sobrang nairita ako nang sabihin mong dahil lang iyon sa pag-tag ko kay Jo. putang ina. sorry ha, naistorbo ko ba ang pakikipaglandian mo? sorry talaga.
magalit ka man sakin, ang sasabihin ko lang eh nilagay ko ito dito dahil nga sobrang nairita ako. kahit kailan wala kang respeto. yata. ewan ko. aangkinin mo ba si jo? well i hope hindi ka magtagumpay. wala akong pakialam kung sasabihin mong impossibleng pagsawaan mo sya pag naging iyo na sya. whatever.
sobrang sinaktan mo ko noong nakipagbreak ka, tapos hindi ka pa nakukuntento talaga. tangina ka. gago ka.
pasalamat ka mahal pa rin kita. at weird ako kaya hindi kita pinapakulam at hindi ko hinihiling na mamatay ka na. just that maglaho ka na lang sa buhay ko, kasama lahat ng alaala mo. kasi hindi ko ikatutuwa kung tuluyan ka nang mawawala tapos iiwanan mo ako ng masasakit na alaala.
at alam mo naman na mahal pa rin (ata) kita. i mean, nasabi ko naman sa iyo di ba? hindi mawawala iyon kahit magbreak tayo. pero pag may pumalit, ibig sabihin mas mahal ko siya kaysa sa yo.
ewan ko. ayokong maging kayo ni jo. dahil sobrang sinaktan mo ako. gusto kong malaman nya lahat yun. kaso mukhang paninira yun pag pinaalam ko sa kanya lahat di ba?
and think about it. yung connections mo sa kanya. dati si greg. ngayon? haha alam ko kung paano pwede ba.
at nakakairita ka.
can't believe i love you. hahaha but i do. i really do. and it's pathetic.
at hindi ko kayang sabihin ito sa iyo. wala akong kayang sabihin sa iyo nang harapan kung alam kong mag-aaway tayo or something. basta. ayaw kong magka-away tayo eh. kasi pag nag-away tayo nang bongga, baka hindi na tayo magka-ayos. and i'd really hate that.
love,
michaelle.
at kanina, sobra-sobrang nairita ako nang sabihin mong dahil lang iyon sa pag-tag ko kay Jo. putang ina. sorry ha, naistorbo ko ba ang pakikipaglandian mo? sorry talaga.
magalit ka man sakin, ang sasabihin ko lang eh nilagay ko ito dito dahil nga sobrang nairita ako. kahit kailan wala kang respeto. yata. ewan ko. aangkinin mo ba si jo? well i hope hindi ka magtagumpay. wala akong pakialam kung sasabihin mong impossibleng pagsawaan mo sya pag naging iyo na sya. whatever.
sobrang sinaktan mo ko noong nakipagbreak ka, tapos hindi ka pa nakukuntento talaga. tangina ka. gago ka.
pasalamat ka mahal pa rin kita. at weird ako kaya hindi kita pinapakulam at hindi ko hinihiling na mamatay ka na. just that maglaho ka na lang sa buhay ko, kasama lahat ng alaala mo. kasi hindi ko ikatutuwa kung tuluyan ka nang mawawala tapos iiwanan mo ako ng masasakit na alaala.
at alam mo naman na mahal pa rin (ata) kita. i mean, nasabi ko naman sa iyo di ba? hindi mawawala iyon kahit magbreak tayo. pero pag may pumalit, ibig sabihin mas mahal ko siya kaysa sa yo.
ewan ko. ayokong maging kayo ni jo. dahil sobrang sinaktan mo ako. gusto kong malaman nya lahat yun. kaso mukhang paninira yun pag pinaalam ko sa kanya lahat di ba?
and think about it. yung connections mo sa kanya. dati si greg. ngayon? haha alam ko kung paano pwede ba.
at nakakairita ka.
can't believe i love you. hahaha but i do. i really do. and it's pathetic.
at hindi ko kayang sabihin ito sa iyo. wala akong kayang sabihin sa iyo nang harapan kung alam kong mag-aaway tayo or something. basta. ayaw kong magka-away tayo eh. kasi pag nag-away tayo nang bongga, baka hindi na tayo magka-ayos. and i'd really hate that.
love,
michaelle.
hello!
really been a long long time.
anyway, i'm really not contented with this design. it's just a pre-set template of blogger. as soon as i have enough time to edit a photo that i would deem fit for my site, of course, i'll fix this.
behold.
kung dati puro jorge.
ewan ko lang, baka ganoon pa rin.
this is my blog, and it'll be what i want it to be.
^_^
weee.
"bakit may hiwalay ka pang blog?"
"eh kasi hindi naman ito ganoon kadalas na dinadalaw, hindi tulad ng sa multiply ko. ^_^"
ayan ah.
hehe.
saka in fairness, madaling mag-post dito. kasi pwede akong mag-send thru email. nyahaha.
anyway, i'm really not contented with this design. it's just a pre-set template of blogger. as soon as i have enough time to edit a photo that i would deem fit for my site, of course, i'll fix this.
behold.
kung dati puro jorge.
ewan ko lang, baka ganoon pa rin.
this is my blog, and it'll be what i want it to be.
^_^
weee.
"bakit may hiwalay ka pang blog?"
"eh kasi hindi naman ito ganoon kadalas na dinadalaw, hindi tulad ng sa multiply ko. ^_^"
ayan ah.
hehe.
saka in fairness, madaling mag-post dito. kasi pwede akong mag-send thru email. nyahaha.
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