your own mother isn't always the best.

Or not. I wouldn't know. As of now, I don't think so.


I actually made my mother the theme on one of my homeworks last semester in CW10. I described her body, from her foot to her head, and associated different traits and characteristics that may be expressed in those parts. Gademit.


She's the type of mother who wouldn't induce any respect, once you see her from a long-term perspective. You know, like Matilda's mom (that movie Matilda, it's what made me start dreaming I'm actually an adopted child or that someone would adopt me), the likes.


There are times when she's really quiet and peaceful. You guessed it! While she's asleep. But that's even so very seldom, you know. She sleeps very shallow - mababaw. So you breathe within a meter or two near her, she'd wake up. And she'll not fall asleep again. And she'd beat you and scream at you and recount all your mistakes since you were born. She'll never shut up until the next time you'd go to sleep. Gademit.


Most of the time, she sees all the stupid things in the world. Yeah. Stupid. I know. She sees everything. And you'll never satisfy her. I used to love washing the dishes for the family. My grandfather was the one previously doing that stuff, but since his eyeglasses failed to enhance his sight, my mother noticed that there were soap marks all over our plates and utensils. So she decided that since I could already wash dishes, I would be the one to do that. Of course I'd love to. It's a great pleasure to start doing household chores when you're a child. It's like you're starting to be able to do what adults can do. But gademit, she's never satisfied. She doesn't like it when the sink is wet, even if I already wiped it with a rug that I'd tried to dry (pigain) many times. It's like she doesn't ever know that her daughter has small hands, gademit. Still, washing dishes is my favorite chore. I just don't do it anymore whenever she's there. Why? Even now that I've grown up, she'd still see something wrong, and she's the only one who could see it. I don't know, like dishes falling to the side, as if I made them like that. And even if you explain to her, she'd just tell you that you're being smart with her. Nowadays, whenever I realize that I'm already near to shouting while "explaining" (I really end up shouting, which makes her hit me more), I shut up. I don't care what she thinks or says afterwards, it's all the same naman e. She's the poor one we never understand, she works very hard and nothing on what she earns is left for her use.


I don't know if that's true. Knowing the kind of person she is. I think it's just right that she'd do those things to discipline herself. She's really not the kind who'd nourish her child's whateverness. We'd never learn how to be properly disciplined with her.


Ang dami e. Ang dami niyang inaadmit na hindi naman talaga. Napaka-fake niya, grabe. Kunwari pa syang proud sa amin. Nakakainis. At sana hindi niya ginagawang excuse yung mga mali nya, na sana wag naming gayahin. So as long as alam naming hindi dapat gayahin yun, wala na kaming pakialam kung gawin niya ulit at ulit? Pwede ba.


At lagi niyang sinasabi na imbyerna kami sa buhay nya. Aba, buti alam nya. Sometimes, I end up thinking that she doesn't see things the way they should be. Grabe.


As for us, oo, talagang wala rin kaming kwentang mga anak. Sinasagot namin siya and all. Pero ano ba, e yun ang nakikita namin e. Na kapag wala syang pera, napakainit ng ulo nya. Pero pag mayroon, nakakabili pa yan ng mga bagay na kaya pa namang wala (hala, parang ako lang. sa kanya talaga ako nagmana. tsk). Tapos kapag walang pera, sa amin ibubuntong lahat. Kesyo tagabayad lang sya dito at di naman sya nakikinabang. Na ginagawa raw namin siyang alila. Aba!


Una sa lahat, kung makakapagtrabaho lang ako, magtatrabaho talaga ako! Pero mula noong dito na ako sa bahay umuuwi, di na ako makapagtutor. At kung di niya napapansin, ayaw ng mga tao na makasama sya pag nakilala na talaga siya. Kaya nga dito na kami sa taas, dahil ayaw ni lola na palagi siyang nagngangangawa sa baba. Kaya nga di na umuuwi si ate. Sinabi sa akin ni ate iyon. Pwede ba. At kung di siya magtatrabaho, anong klaseng tao yan? Tulad ng mga tambay diyan? Kairita.


At pangalawa. Matuto nga siyang mag-appreciate. Hindi yung ang dami dami niyang nakikitang mali, kahit sobrang trivial na lang. Gusto niya perpekto lahat. Kung reklamador ako, ano na lang siya? Grabe. Nakakainis e. Siya ang gumagawang alila sa sarili niya. Tapos siya rin naman ang magdedesisyon kung anong uulamin. Tapos pag kami ang nag-suggest, mahal, mahal, mahal. Epal? Kairita.


Ewan ko. Nagsimula lang ito sa printer.



Ipprint ko kasi dapat ang aking application form para magshift. Tapos yung printer, di lumalabas sa listahan ng printer. Actually wala raw installed printer. E di tinanggal ko sa USB port, tapos sinaksak ko ulit. Late na ako. Inuninstall ko. Tapos nung iniinstall ko na, inabot na ng siyam-siyam. E may pasok lang naman ako noon. First day of summer classes. So napagdesisyunan kong sa net shop na lang magpa-print. Tae, anim na piso din yun.


Tapos tinanong niya, bakit KO raw TINANGGAL yung printer. Kakainis. Sabi ko nung magpprint ako di nagprint. Lumipas ang maraming mga araw.


Tapos tinanong ulit kanina. Ganun ulit pagkakatanong. At dinugtungan pa. "Malay ba namin anong ginagawa mo diyan." Aba putang ina, masakit na nga mata ko kakatitig sa mga powerpoint na di ko maprint, sasabihan pa akong ganoon? Leche. E di sumabog ako. Nagsigawan, at tinutukan ako ng kutsilyo. Tumahimik ako't di na masyadong nagsalita. Maliban noong sinabi niyang sabi ko raw nagsummer ako na walang relasyon sa computer. Putang ina sya, kung gusto nyang magcomputer, sabihin muna nya sa akin kung kailan sya magccomputer, e pagdating niya dito wala syang ibang sinabi kundi "Matutulog ako, punyeta."


Leche. Kakapang-init ng dugo. To think na lahat naman kami dito nag-aaral para makatapos para sa kanya. Feeling ko nawawala rin yung gana ni ate na itaguyod tong pamilyang to dahil sa kanya.